Leonard Hofstadter Quotes Page 3 of 77

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Quote from the episode The Procreation Calculation

Leonard: He sent us that Indian marriage questionnaire.
Penny: Ooh, read one.
Leonard: Okay. "How religious are you?" That's easy, both of us: not at all.
Penny: No, I wouldn't say not at all. I mean, I am pretty spiritual. I do go to yoga, so...
Leonard: Great, so your church is Our Lady of the Stretchy Pants.

Quote from the episode The Procreation Calculation

Leonard: Next question. Uh, "how close are you with your family?"
Penny: Pretty close.
Leonard: I'm gonna say not too close, but I'm hoping to get farther.

Quote from the episode The Procreation Calculation

Leonard: "How are you with pets?" Well, I did take care of Sheldon for 15 years, and he only bit me twice.

Quote from the episode The Wedding Gift Wormhole

Sheldon: Oh, Leonard, thank you again. We love the gift.
Leonard: Aw. [After Sheldon leaves] Does he know what it is?
Howard: No, not even close. He thinks it's a clue to a scavenger hunt.
Leonard: (laughs) So, so happy.

Quote from the episode The Conjugal Configuration

Leonard: Mrs. Fowler is an angry, vindictive woman, whereas you are warm and-and loving, quick to forgive.
Penny: Oh, please.
Leonard: I'm serious. And I'm nothing like Amy's dad. He's a mousy little man who can't stand up for himself.
*Penny stares at Leonard*
Leonard: My point is you're not like her, so we're not like them.

Quote from the episode The Conjugal Configuration

Penny: Well, 30 years from now, are you gonna hide from me because I'm so scary?
Leonard: Hey, I don't think you're scary. Yes, I flinch when you make sudden moves, but that says more about my childhood than you.
Penny: Aw.
*Penny goes to huge Leonard, he flinches and backs away. He recovers and hugs her.*

Quote from the episode The Conjugal Configuration

Mrs. Fowler: Larry? I know you're in there!
Penny: Is that Amy's mom?
Mrs. Fowler: Let me in. (shouting) Let me in!
Leonard: Either that or the Big Bad Wolf.

Quote from the episode The Conjugal Configuration

Raj: Is it nice having Sheldon and Amy away on their honeymoon?
Penny: Yeah, because now Leonard and I get all this alone time.
Raj: But you're not alone. We're here.
Penny: Yes. (sighs) Yes, you are.
Bernadette: Would you like us to leave so you and Leonard can talk about all the things you have in common?
Leonard: Ha, ha, she called your bluff.

Quote from the episode The Conjugal Configuration

Raj: Now it's happening to me. Ooh, I should probably make a list of all the scientific inaccuracies in Mamma Mia 2.
Penny: You're gonna go on live TV and admit you've seen that movie?
Raj: Hey, your husband's the one who took me.
Leonard: Meryl Streep and Cher? Yeah, I saw it.

Quote from the episode The Conjugal Configuration

Leonard: They're not; they just posted a picture in front of the Statue of Liberty.
Penny: Real or Lego?
Leonard: Lego.

Quote from the episode The Conjugal Configuration

Howard: That was weird, right?
Leonard: Was it? I honestly can't tell anymore.

Quote from the episode The Conjugal Configuration

Penny: Hey, did you even see Mamma Mia 1?
Leonard: Didn't need to. The sequel stands on its own.

Quote from the episode The Good Guy Fluctuation

Leonard: You see, I used to be a jackass, but I stopped myself. I became a good guy. See, that's kind of my superpower. I'm like Captain Good Guy!
(Alice pushes him out, then slams door)
Leonard: It's okay. Did the right thing. *tightens his jacket* You idiot!

Quote from the episode The Staircase Implementation

Sheldon: Third barrier passed. You have won the right to see your room. Huzzah!
Leonard: Is this it?
Sheldon: No, this is my room. People don't go in my room.
Leonard: So where do you sleep?
Sheldon: I don't understand.
Leonard: If people don't go in there, and you're people, and… You are people, aren't you? Making a joke.
Sheldon: Do you do this often?
Leonard: On occasion.

Quote from the episode The Staircase Implementation

Leonard: Do I get some sympathy now?
Penny: A little bit. Okay. Let me get this straight. You move in with this guy, he makes you sign a ridiculous roommate agreement, then he walks into your bedroom while you're doing this Joyce Kim, and you still stay?
Leonard: Actually, I couldn't get too mad at him about Joyce Kim.
Penny: Why not?
Leonard: Well, I was doing some government research at the time, you know, military, rocket fuel. It's kind of secret.
Penny: What does that have to do with Joyce Kim?
Leonard: As it turns out, she was a North Korean spy. Luckily, Sheldon drove her out before I revealed anything important. Which I'm not saying I would have.

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