Penny: You know, it was nice of Bernadette to offer, but I'm not sure it's the right move for me.
Leonard: Well, what are you talking about? If you were in charge of her project, wouldn't that be a promotion?
Penny: Well, yeah, but it's not the most important thing. Aren't you always saying it's about the work, not more money or a better title?
Leonard: All the smart things I say, and you remember the dumb one.

Penny: They couldn't have picked a better person. [Leonard chuckles and picks up his phone] Are you calling Zack?
Leonard: No, Sheldon. Would you say that last part one more time?

Penny: And we ran into Zack.
Leonard: Oh. Yeah? How's he doing?
Penny: He got married.
Leonard: Oh. Well, that's nice.
Penny: Yeah, and he sold his company for a fortune and retired.
Leonard: Huh. And you ended up with me, so everybody wins.
Penny: Wait. You're not jealous of Zack, are you?
Leonard: What? Oh, absolutely not. In fact, he should be jealous of me because I have you. And a dungeon with over 30 rooms left unexplored because no one thought to search for secret doors under the wizard's throne.
Penny: Oh. You know, I'd like to go exploring.
Leonard: Really?
Penny: Mm-hmm.
Leonard: Well, I'll get the dice back out.

Leonard: How was ladies' night?
Penny: It was fun. Amy got drunk and kept telling us that Sheldon's chest is smooth like a porpoise.
Leonard: Well, it does squeak when you touch it.

Leonard: What is up with you two?
Stuart: Well, it's kind of hard to explain. Uh, you know when things are going great, but you worry that any minute you might screw everything up?
Penny: No.
Leonard: Yes. If you really like her, you can't let fear get in the way. You have to move forward.
Stuart: And at a certain point, the fear of losing her goes away?
Leonard: I will let you know.

Leonard: Bang, you're out.
Penny: What?! I'm not out. You didn't even shoot me.
Leonard: I'm not gonna shoot you from right here. It's too close. It's gonna hurt.
Penny: Oh, come on. It's not gonna hurt that bad.
Leonard: I'm telling you, from this distance it's gonna- Ow! See? That hurt.
Penny: All right. Fine, you can shoot me.
Leonard: No, I'm not gonna shoot you. Ow!
Penny: Ow! Ow! Aah, you were right. We're way too close.
Leonard: See, I told you it's gonna hurt- Ow!

Penny: All right, why don't you pick first?
Denise: Okay, um Leonard.
Leonard: Yeah?
Denise: No, I'm picking you.
Leonard: First? For a team? What is happening?

Leonard: She just wants to play paintball. It combines my love of whimsy with her love of making grown men cry.

Amy: Okay. I'll read them.
Leonard: If any of them accuse you of being too pretty, Penny can help you through it.

Leonard: It's a pep talk he made when he was a kid. He gave it to me years ago and told me to save it for a real emergency.
Penny: What? You didn't break it out when he declared his room a sovereign nation and waged a trade war against us?
Leonard: His major export is talking. I didn't want that anyway.

Leonard: I have something that might help. It's-it's a recording of the only person whose opinion Sheldon actually respects.
Amy: Hawking? Feynman?
Leonard: No, himself.

Amy: I'm really worried about Sheldon. I've never seen him this down.
Penny: Have you tried making him a cup of tea?
Amy: He's reevaluated tea. Now he thinks it's nothing but leaf soup.
Leonard: That's a good point.
Penny: No, it's not.
Leonard: No, it's not.

Penny: What you eating?
Leonard: Chicken fried steak.
Penny: What? You can't have chicken fried steak first thing in the morning.
Leonard: Hey, you knew I was a bad boy when you married me. Come on, you want a piece of this?
Penny: You or the steak?
Leonard: Me. I'm not sharing the steak.

Leonard: Fine, how about we split up but we stay in constant communication with each other?
Raj: Yeah, thank you. Leonard?
Leonard: Still here.
Raj: Okay. Leonard?
Leonard: Still here.
Raj: Okay. Leonard? Leonard?
Leonard: (Leonard gasps) Oh, God! Too much dust.

Leonard: Thanks for helping with this.
Raj: What are friends for?
Leonard: My friend sent me down to this basement to do his grunt work, so I wouldn't know.