Leonard Hofstadter Quotes Page 5 of 74

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Quote from the episode The Athenaeum Allocation

Amy: What happened?
Leonard: Well, we scrubbed out some barrels of irradiated grease, rinsed off in a safety shower and then told Barry Kripke what is what.
Amy: And he just gave in?
Sheldon: Well, we agreed to invite him to the wedding.
Amy: Okay. No problem.
Leonard: And he gets to bring a date.
Amy: Well, that's reasonable.
Sheldon: A-And if she charges by the hour, we have to cover it.
Amy: What else did you agree to?
Leonard: Well, um, you know how Barry has the voice of an angel?
Amy: He is not singing at our wedding.
Sheldon: (stammers) He only wants to sing "Volare."
Leonard: Oh, "Volare". That's what he was saying. Boy, I didn't, I did not get that.

Quote from the episode The Athenaeum Allocation

Sheldon: Barry, I've come to ask one more- Leonard? Wh-Why are you doing that?
Leonard: Because deep down Barry is not a good guy.

Quote from the episode The Athenaeum Allocation

Leonard: I made a deal with him to get you the Athenaeum for your wedding.
Sheldon: Why would you do that?
Leonard: Because I was a jerk for lying to you before and besides, you're my best friend. I want you to have the wedding of your dreams.
Sheldon: On Mars?
Leonard: Okay, I want Amy to have the wedding of her dreams.

Quote from the episode The Spaghetti Catalyst

Penny: Is there anything else?
Leonard: Yeah, don't let Goofy near him. He'll have nightmares and I'll have to deal with it.
Penny: What's the problem with Goofy?
Leonard: Wish I knew. He's fine with Pluto.

Quote from the episode The Spaghetti Catalyst

Penny: He's such an angel when he's asleep.
Leonard: Yeah. Shame he has to wake up.
Penny: I think we can do it.
Leonard: Smother Sheldon in his sleep? Wouldn't that be wrong?

Quote from the episode The Neonatal Nomenclature

Amy: I've always liked the name Elliott.
Leonard: Sorry, can't have it. That's my boy name.
Amy: I said it first.
Leonard: It's not like calling dibs.
Amy: Yes, it is. It's exactly like that. Dibs on Elliott.
Leonard: I'm just saying, we might get there first. You only have sex once a year. I'll probably have sex tonight. [Penny looks at Leonard] Fine, you can have Elliott.

Quote from the episode The Neonatal Nomenclature

Leonard: My mother believes that if you're not prepared mentally, it can delay your body from going into labor.
Bernadette: So what are you trying to say? It's my fault?
Leonard: (sighs) Raj is crazy. Your ankles aren't that gross.

Quote from the episode The Neonatal Nomenclature

Sheldon: Yeah, not to brag, but Amy's last birthday brought my coital tally up to four.
Leonard: Whatever you're doing, it's not bragging.

Quote from the episode The Neonatal Nomenclature

Sheldon: Hey, I was just talking about you.
Amy: Oh, should I ask?
Leonard: You should not.

Quote from the episode The Table Polarization

Penny: Translation?
Leonard: Wah, I don't want a table.

Quote from the episode The Infestation Hypothesis

Leonard: It's like living with a Chihuahua.

Quote from the episode The Gates Excitation

Penny: I'm not leaving you for Bill Gates.
Leonard: You sure? I bet his Internet's really fast.

Quote from the episode The Gates Excitation

Leonard: Uh, M-Mr. Gates, I'm-I'm Dr. Leonard Hofstadter. We've actually met before.
Bill Gates : Sorry, I don't remember.
Leonard: You were so nice, a-and it was really special to me because you've been such a big influence on my life. I mean, ever since I was a little kid, I've looked up to you like-like a hero. (sobbing)
Bill Gates : Oh, now I remember. Would you like a tissue?
Leonard: How about a hug?
Bill Gates : How-how about a tissue?

Quote from the episode The Novelization Correlation

Penny: I know I'm Ilsa.
Leonard: Wha-? That is crazy. You-you two are totally different.
Penny: How?
Leonard: Well, you- She- Her name's Ilsa.

Quote from the episode The Novelization Correlation

Penny: It's pretty obvious; blonde, mean, glasses.
Leonard: It doesn't say "glasses."
Penny: Oh, really?
Leonard: But it will, because Ilsa does. And you know who else wears them? Bernadette. And-and that's her, cause it's, it's totally, it's totally her.

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