Leonard: Look, I may not have been entirely faithful, but you, you are not easy to lift.

Leonard: You'd think I'd be used to women withholding their love. My mother did. No matter how hard I tried, she just didn't have any interest in me.
Mandy: Imagine that.

Leonard: Sheldon, can you believe that we're driving in a van that was owned by one of the greatest scientific minds of the 20th century?
It's like the Batmobile. If Batman was real and a physicist and his car wasn't cool.

Penny: Okay, I'm confused. Which one is Mr. Robot?
Leonard: I'll give you a hint. We're watching Daredevil.

Guy #2: Ready to go?
Guy: Hang on. This guy's telling me how he got the Serial Ape-ist girl to marry him.
Guy #2: This guy? But he's wearing a change maker.
Penny: I think it's hot.
Leonard: That's right. I'm her change daddy.

Howard: Huh, they screwed up and gave us steamed broccoli.
Raj: Oh, no, that's mine.
Leonard: Really? The last green thing I saw you eat was a Skittle.

Leonard: Feynman was so cool. When I was a kid, I'd put on some headphones and crank up one of his lectures and just jam out to knowledge.

Leonard: This is me doing the Titanic pose on the boat. ... Oh, that's me getting rescued when I fell in.

Leonard: Look, I was just speaking the truth. We're scientists. Isn't that what we're supposed to do?
Sheldon: Oh, what would you know about the truth? You thought Phantom Menace was "not half bad."
Leonard: I told you that in confidence!

Howard: I can't argue with him, it's right there on the screen. Austria does look like a wiener.
Raj: That's nothing. Dude, go check out how hung Florida is.
Leonard: I'm sure Mrs. Florida's walking funny.

Leonard: Then I'll just cut your vines with my Ruby Sword. (Playing card, making gesture to Howard) That's right, I did it, I cut them.

Leonard: Here's my home number, here's my cell, here's my office, here's my parents' number up in New Jersey, they always know how to reach me.

Leonard: Oh. Watch out, Sheldon. This little boy Casper is a g-g-g-ghost!
Sheldon: Droll.
Howard: Not as droll as a grown man passed out in a puddle of his own urine.
Leonard: That was pretty droll. With a hint of ammonia.

*Leonard's phone vibrates*
Leonard: Oh, God.
Professor Proton: What is it?
Leonard: Sheldon just sent me a picture of him and Bill Nye getting smoothies.

Leonard: Hey, can we talk?
Penny: We can, but the part of Penny might get cut.