Leonard: Oh, you don't have any jewelry on, do you?
Penny: No. Why?
Leonard: A grad student forgot to take out one of his piercings. Now he's on a transplant list waiting for a nipple his size.

Leonard: We're going to Switzerland to see the CERN supercollider. And ski. We'll also go skiing.
Penny: We're going skiing in Switzerland?
Leonard: Well, you'll ski, I'll fall. But yeah, we will be in Switzerland for Valentine's Day.

Sheldon: What if someone kidnaps me, forces me to record my voice, and then cuts off my thumb?
Leonard: I'll send them a basket of muffins.

Penny: is he quitting his job at the university?
Leonard: Oh no, he's going to telecommute. Everybody's really excited about it.

Leonard: Hey, for the record, Jimmy wasn't the reason I wet the bed. That one has my mother written all over it.

Leonard: Is it racist that I took you to an Indian restaurant?
Priya: It's okay, I like Indian food.
Leonard: Or as you probably call it back home, food.

Leonard: There's no discernible butt print.
Penny: Oh, come on. (Sits and wiggles around) There, butt print.
Leonard: It's too small and perfect.
Penny: Thank you.
Leonard: You're welcome.

Leonard: Why are you crouching there?
Sheldon: This is my spot. Where else am I supposed to crouch?
Leonard: I don't know, Texas?

Sheldon: What's real? What isn't? How can I know?
Penny: You did make that up, right?
Leonard: Oh, God, I wish I had.

Howard: I'm telling you, something is wrong. I can always feel it when Raj is in trouble.
Bernadette: Geez, how close were you guys before we got married?
Leonard: Don't look under that rock.

Leonard: I'm sorry, but facts are facts.
Penny: Right, and if you can't understand it, it's not a fact.
Leonard: No, if it's not a fact, it's not a fact.

Leonard: All right. Shirt coming off. Ta-da! Man nipples.

Leonard: Look, you do understand that Sheldon really doesn't care when he gets the money back. It's actually one of the few idiosyncrasies that doesn't make you want to, you know, kill him.

Penny: Oh, no, I can't give up my acting classes. I'm a professional actress.
Leonard: You've had an acting job where you got paid?
Penny: That is not the definition of professional.
Leonard: Actually, it kind of - let's keep looking.

Penny: Well, remember Kurt?
Leonard: Your ex-boyfriend?
Penny: Yeah. He got arrested for taking a whiz on a cop car.
Leonard: What?
Penny: He was drunk.
Leonard: I would hope so.