Leonard: I've been offering to show you around for a year and a half. You always said you had yoga.
Penny: I never said that.
Leonard: Maybe I heard you wrong. A lot of words sound like yoga.

Leonard: Oh, then I think you'll appreciate what I got you.
Penny: Okay. 101 Totally Cool Science Experiments for Kids.
Leonard: You know, 'cause you're so into science.

Leonard: On the other hand, I think Sheldon might be the larval form of his species, and some day he'll spin a cocoon and emerge two months later with moths wings and an exoskeleton.
Penny: Okay, well, thanks for the nightmares.

Sheldon: Sleep eludes me, Leonard.
Leonard: Really? Maybe sleep has met you before.

Penny: I've never been to New Jersey before.
Leonard: It gets a bad rap from shows like Jersey Shore and Real Housewives.
Penny: So it's not really like that?
Leonard: No, it's like that.

Raj: Why do you put six sugars in your coffee?
Leonard: Because the cafeteria doesn't offer little packets of methamphetamine.

Leonard: Hang on, uh, uh, roommate agreement. Ha! Um, no hootenannies, sing-a-longs, or barbershop quartets after 10:00 p.m.

Sheldon: Is this one of those times where I've won the battle but lost the war?
Leonard: Afraid so, Skippy.
Sheldon: I told you we shouldn't go shopping at night.

Raj: I wish we could do more stuff without Sheldon.
Leonard: I wish that all the time. Usually before I blow out birthday candles.

Leonard: You didn't see me telling Kevin that you thought Cold Wars were only fought in Winter

Penny: I was just hungry and cranky, and I've never been called "ma'am" before.
Leonard: Is that a big deal?
Penny: Kind of. When was the first time someone called you "sir"?
Leonard: Sixth grade, but I wore a sport coat and carried a briefcase, so...

Penny: Can you believe when I met you I was 22? I mean, it's crazy! Where did all that time go?
Leonard: Mmm, you watched The Bachelor a lot.
Penny: Yeah, go ahead and make jokes, but your thirties are almost over.
Leonard: No, they're not.
Penny: You're closer to 40 than you are 30.
Leonard: Ha, ha! You married an old man.

Penny: What if Sheldon had no choice but to be respectful?
Leonard: Is there a switch on the back of his neck we don't know about?

Penny: Wait, wait, wait. What are these changes on page six?
Amy: Sheldon, what did you do?
Howard: I should've known.
Bernadette: "25% of profits due to Sheldon Cooper will be allocated to a scholarship fund for the firstborn child of Howard and Bernadette Wolowitz." Sheldon, that's so nice.
Leonard: That beats the onesie I was gonna get them from Baby Gap.

Leonard: After you wrap the body in reflective tape, the ends get Teflon tape so we can get a tight seal.
Penny: Like this?
Leonard: Yeah, perfect.
Penny: Oh.
Leonard: And it helps to have small, delicate fingers. So don't be discouraged if you can't do it as fast as me and Howard.