Penny: Look, Sheldon, sweetie, I know you're feeling insecure, but we've really got to go to sleep.
Sheldon: All right. I'll take the first watch and wake you at 0400.
Leonard: Great. Good night.
Penny: Wait, wait, what's 0400?
Leonard: 4 am.
Penny: That's, like, in 45 minutes.
Leonard: Just keep walking.

Amy: Do you know anybody else who would appreciate an all-expense-paid spa weekend at a four-star resort in Big Sur?
Penny: No, I really - Im sorry, free what? Sorry, what, what?
Leonard: I think her weekend just opened up.

Sheldon: Please tell me you're not having coitus.
Penny: We are not having coitus.
Sheldon: Can you guarantee that it won't happen at any time during the night?
Penny: Yes.
Leonard: No.

Penny: I really appreciate you letting me stay here tonight.
Leonard: Sure, no problem.
Penny: I know it's kinda weird.
Leonard: True dat.
Penny: True dat?
Leonard: I've gotten a lot more street since we broke up.

Penny: Still mad at me about that?
Leonard: No. No, I understand. I got too intense, you had to back off.
Penny: Thank you.
Leonard: I've gotten a lot better at that, you know. I've dated four different women since we broke up and I didn't tell any of them that I loved them and wanted to have their babies.
Penny: Good for you.

Leonard: So, Howard Wolowitz tying the knot. Leaving his crazy bachelor days behind. He was a wild one. Well, I guess we all kind of were. I remember this one time, I was with this girl at the beach. We were in the ocean and we started making out. I know, it was crazy. I wasn't even wearing my Aquasocks.

Howard: I don't know what my next move is.
Leonard: Well, Howard, I don't know much about women.
Howard: Yeah?
Leonard: No, uh, that, that's it. I don't know much about women.

Leonard: I'm gonna have sex with you right here, right now, on that washing machine.
Penny: No, you're not.
Leonard: Come on, please.
Penny: If you want to do something, you can help me fold this sheet.
Leonard: Folding a sheet in my underwear, still pretty crazy.

Sheldon: Hey! He did that on purpose,
Leonard: No, he didn't. Nothing that's happening here is being done on purpose. Okay, uh, forget one-on-one. Let's try a free throw contest. First person who makes a basket wins the office.
Barry Kripke: Making it too easy there, Hofstadter.
Leonard: No. No, I'm not.

Leonard: Look, I appreciate your signature blend of concern for me and incredible selfishness. If I get the chance to do this, there is nothing you can say that's going to stop me.

Bernadette: So, have you ever spent a long time on a boat before?
Leonard: Yeah.
Penny: Are you referring to the time we got stuck on the Small World ride at Disneyland?
Leonard: Yeah.

Leonard: I'm glad you decided to stay. It's gonna be special for Penny and me to share this with you.
Beverly Hofstadter: I can't wait for this day to be over.
Leonard: Yeah, special, like that.

Beverly Hofstadter: Thank you for taking us to the airport.
Leonard: Hey, I'm just thrilled we're all getting along for a minute.
Alfred Hofstadter: Yeah, me, too. Beverly, I'm sorry if I upset you.
Beverly Hofstadter: Water under the bridge, Alfred. Leonard, why don't you get into the carpool lane?
Alfred Hofstadter: Well, that's a solid line. He can't cross it.
Leonard: That's okay. I can make it over.
Beverly Hofstadter: No, no, let's plod along. It'll make your father feel more comfortable.
Alfred Hofstadter: What makes me comfortable is knowing I don't have to wake up tomorrow morning and see your sour face.
Beverly Hofstadter: Do the world a favor, and don't wake up tomorrow morning.
Leonard: That was almost a minute.

Sheldon: Look at this. Elon Musk has a theory that we're all just characters in some advanced civilization's video game.
Leonard: So some alien kid spent his money on the asthma-and-glasses upgrade for me?
Sheldon: Well, he doesn't say it's a good game.

Raj: Is it even possible to get this done in two months?
Howard: Well, maybe. I don't know. We'll have to work twelve hours a day, seven days a week.
Leonard: Which means I won't be able to make Penny breakfast every day, and she'll realize my brioche French toast was the only thing keeping her in the marriage.
Howard: I love your French toast.
Leonard: Oh, thanks, man.