Leonard: Listen, guys, I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude, but I need to go call Raj's sister, who I love so much. So vastly much.

Amy: Boy, you were not liked in high school, were you?
Leonard: Not really. Is that my yearbook?
Amy: Mm-hmm. Dear Leonard, you're really good at science. Maybe one day you'll come up with a cure for being a dork.
Leonard: Well, it wasn't spray-painting a lightning bolt on my briefcase, I can tell you that.

Leonard: I'm sorry. The bride and groom seem happy.
Amy: Why shouldn't they be? They have a feverish night of socially-approved copulation ahead of them. In some cultures, we'd stand outside of their bedroom cheering as they achieved orgasm.
Leonard: That sounds like a late night, and I have work in the morning, so...

Leonard: You're a woman, and I'm going to make you feel things you have never felt before. That's right, say my name, and beg me for more because I'm going to give it to you.

Leonard: Sheldon, you do this all the time! You fixate on some crazy idea then blow it way out of proportion.
Sheldon: Name one time I've ever done that.
Leonard: How about the time you put GPS trackers in your garbage because you thought North Korean spies were stealing your doodles? The chicken nuggets you thought were human nuggets. The mysterious cloud that was following you around town. Or the time you put my shirt on by accident and thought you were growing again.
Sheldon: I said name one. You need to work on your listening skills.

Leonard: All right. Shirt coming off. Ta-da! Man nipples.

Leonard: It's like living with a Chihuahua.

Raj: You're just jealous because it turns out I'm Penny's number two choice after Leonard.
Howard: Hey, if I wasn't engaged to Bernadette, that totally could have been me.
Leonard: Please. Sheldon would have been before you, and he might not even have genitals.

Leonard: Open the landing bay doors, shuttle craft approaching.

Leonard: If I roll down the windows, everything is peachy. If you roll down the windows, you're still not a doctor.

Leonard: I'm the king of foreplay.

Leonard: That's nice that they're getting along.
Raj: Your girlfriend and your ex-girlfriend are hanging out together? Oh, yeah, that can only be good for you.
Leonard: What are you talking about?
Raj: One of them broke up with you. Do you really want her telling the other one why?
Leonard: I don't care. I don't have anything to hide.
Raj: Good, good. Then you have nothing to worry about.
Leonard: No, I do not. You are a mean little man.

Howard: Nice to see that the gals are getting along.
Leonard: Gals? Who are you, Fred Flintstone?

Leonard: Top of her class, Cambridge University. Licensed to practice law in three countries. And your face.

Leonard: Oh, cool. I've got a lawyer. And I've seen her naked.