Leonard: Penny, I think I know what to do. Sheldon, I have some more bad news.
Sheldon: More?
Leonard: I'm afraid so. You know the cashew chicken I get you Monday nights?
Sheldon: Yes. From Szechuan Palace.
Leonard: Szechuan Palace closed two years ago.
Sheldon: What? Where did my cashew chicken come from?
Leonard: Golden Dragon.
Sheldon: No. No, this isn't right. Our food always comes in Szechuan Palace containers.
Leonard: Yeah, well, before they went out of business, I bought 4,000 containers. I keep them in the trunk of my car.

Sheldon: What's real? What isn't? How can I know?
Penny: You did make that up, right?
Leonard: Oh, God, I wish I had.

Leonard: There's no discernible butt print.
Penny: Oh, come on. (Sits and wiggles around) There, butt print.
Leonard: It's too small and perfect.
Penny: Thank you.
Leonard: You're welcome.

Leonard: Is it racist that I took you to an Indian restaurant?
Priya: It's okay, I like Indian food.
Leonard: Or as you probably call it back home, food.

Leonard: Last night, me wanting to try that stuff out of the Kama Sutra, was that fun for you or kinda racially insensitive?
Priya: Yeah, just because you're in bed with an Indian woman, you think that gives you permission to use crazy positions from an ancient Indian love manual?
Leonard: Hey, if you can find a book called Weird Sex with White Boys, I'd be okay with that.

Priya: It's a little weird your ex-girlfriend hanging out here all the time.
Leonard: I know. I usually never see my ex-girlfriends, unless their hard drives crash.

Leonard: Hey, for the record, Jimmy wasn't the reason I wet the bed. That one has my mother written all over it.

Sheldon: What if someone kidnaps me, forces me to record my voice, and then cuts off my thumb?
Leonard: I'll send them a basket of muffins.

Penny: is he quitting his job at the university?
Leonard: Oh no, he's going to telecommute. Everybody's really excited about it.

Leonard: We're going to Switzerland to see the CERN supercollider. And ski. We'll also go skiing.
Penny: We're going skiing in Switzerland?
Leonard: Well, you'll ski, I'll fall. But yeah, we will be in Switzerland for Valentine's Day.

Penny: So, what ya doing? Better not be building a robot girlfriend.
Leonard: No. Although Howard was making some real strides in that area until he met Bernadette.
Penny: You're kidding.
Leonard: Nope. Now the Lisatronic 3000 just sits in a box waiting for the phone to ring.

Leonard: It's kind of crazy. I've never fooled around in the lab before.
Penny: Really? Never?
Leonard: No. I did have a shot with the Lisatronic, but the extension cord wasn't long enough.

Leonard: Oh, you don't have any jewelry on, do you?
Penny: No. Why?
Leonard: A grad student forgot to take out one of his piercings. Now he's on a transplant list waiting for a nipple his size.

Sheldon: I was not panicked, and I am not overly attached to Leonard.
Leonard: You were so worried that you smashed your face trying to check on me. You looove me.

Sheldon: There's something I need to tell you.
Leonard: Okay.
Sheldon: I can't tell you.
Leonard: Why?
Sheldon: I can't tell you why I can't tell you. So I guess there's two things I can't tell you.
Leonard: I wish there were more.