Sheldon: Sleep eludes me, Leonard.
Leonard: Really? Maybe sleep has met you before.

Leonard: So, when Howard said the FBI would be contacting me, I was expecting Mulder. Glad to see I got Scully.
Agent Page: Who?
Leonard: Mulder and Scully. X-Files. The truth is out there. Never mind.

Leonard: I'm sorry.
Raj's sister: Why do you say that?
Leonard: When I'm in bed with a girl, that's just my natural response.

Leonard: Sorry.
Priya: For what?
Leonard: I don't know. When I'm in bed with a girl, it's just it's my go to response.

Priya: Oh, Sheldon. You haven't changed a bit, have you?
Sheldon: Why would I change?
Leonard: The hope has been that you'd eventually bend to public opinion.

Leonard: So, what are talking about?
Raj: Uh, my plans with Priya.
Sheldon: He rejected train day.
Leonard: Did you make it clear that it's two different train cars turned into hot dog stands?
Sheldon: Abundantly.
Leonard: I guess he just hates fun.

Priya: Can't you get rid of him?
Leonard: If the past is any indication, no.

Leonard: I wish you could stay in LA a while longer.
Priya: Mmm. Me too.
Leonard: You know, I was thinking, there are some great research facilities in India.
Priya: Where are you going with this, Leonard?
Leonard: Well, I'm just saying, I don't have any real ties here, so if I were to move to New Delhi we could, you know, go out.
Priya: Leonard, didn't we have this conversation five years ago.
Leonard: Well, yes, but, things have changed. You know, you're older, I'm older. Look, no more superhero bedsheets.

Raj: Hey, so what did you guys think of the new episode of Caprica last night?
Leonard: I didn't see it.
Howard: Didn't see it? What were you doing?
Leonard: Uh, I was out.
Raj: On Caprica night?
Leonard: Yeah, I, uh, went for a drink.
Howard: Really, you, and where, where did you go?
Leonard: To, uh, Lucky Baldwin's.
Sheldon: Oh, I've heard of that place. Isn't that Pasadena's favorite Irish watering hole?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Did you meet anyone interesting there, perhaps a promiscuous redheaded barmaid?
Leonard: As a matter of fact I-I-I can't. I can't. I can't do it.

Leonard: What would you be if you were attached to another object by an inclined plane, wrapped helically around an axis?
Sheldon: Screwed?
Leonard: There you go.

Leonard: All I'm saying is, if they took all the money they spent trying to make a decent Hulk movie, they could probably make an actual Hulk.

Leonard: What about you, Stuart? Do you have a girlfriend yet?
Stuart: Oh, yeah. Yeah, I met her at Comic-con. The one place in the world where saying, "I own a comic book store", is an actual pick-up line.
Leonard: Oh, well, good for you.
Stuart: Not really, she's horrible. When she wants to have sex, she puts on her plus-size Wonder Woman costume and shouts, "Who wants to take a ride in my invisible plane?"
Leonard:Why don't you just break up with her.
Stuart: Heh, no, I can't.
Leonard: Why not?
Stuart: Because then I'd be alone. Like you.

Sheldon: What makes you chuckle, Leonard?
Leonard: Hmm, recently? Not much.
Sheldon: Is it because of the conflict that arises from your desperate need to pair-bond with a woman, and the apparent collective decision of all womankind to deny you that opportunity?
Leonard: Um, shut up.

Howard: What's with the T-shirt? You working at the Apple store now?
Leonard: No, it's just something I threw on.
Howard: I know all your shirts. That's not one of them. You were pretending to work at the Genius Bar to pick up women, weren't you?
Leonard: Yeah. Turns out, they guard the iPods, but they don't guard the shirts.
Howard: So, how'd it go?
Leonard: It was going well. I was showing this super hot girl how to boot up in Safe Mode. The manager got suspicious, and, well, long story short, they really do have a little jail in the mall.

Leonard: What are you working on?
Sheldon: I'm removing my digital footprint from the Internet so Amy Farrah Fowler can't find me and compel me to meet her mother.
Leonard: Ah, you're going off the grid.
Sheldon: Exactly.
Leonard: The old Unabomber approach. Kudos.