Raj: It's not so bad, really. At least these trains have modern plumbing. In India, you squat over a hole in the train and expose your naked buttocks to the chilly air of Rajasthan.
Sheldon: He is referring, of course, to third class on Indian Railways' magnificent Ranakpur Express and its twelve hundred kilometer journey from Maharashtra to the Bikaner Junction.
Leonard: Oh, look, now he's boring on an international scale.

Leonard: Excuse me, but what about me? Why don't I get a shot?
Howard: Fine, go ahead. Take a shot.
Leonard: You know, I've already got a gorgeous blond back home that I can't score with. I think I'll let you two take this one.

Leonard: So aren't you going to go talk to her?
Howard: I will, I'm just working on my opening line.
Leonard: She's probably heard every possible line, Howard. Why don't you just try hello?
Howard: No, no, no, that always creeps girls out. I need to come up with something thats funny, smart and delicately suggests that my sexual endowment is disproportionate to my physical stature.
Leonard: You're going to need more than 11 hours.

Sheldon: Okay, I've found the perfect solution. We get off the train at the next stop in Oxnard. We then take the 1:13 train back to Union Station. We take a cab back to the apartment, get my flash drive, and then race to San Luis Obispo, where, assuming the lights are with us and minimal traffic, we'll meet the train.
Leonard: I've got a better idea.
Sheldon: Are you going to be sarcastic?
Leonard: Boy, you take all the fun out of it for me.

Leonard: He's calling to ask you a favor. You might be confused because he didn't use the words, Penny, Sheldon, please or favor.

Leonard: Hey, Penny. It's Leonard.
Penny: Hey, Leonard. How's the train ride?
Leonard: Delightful. Listen, I don't know what you're doing right now, but there are little bubbles forming on the corners of Sheldon's mouth.

Howard: Listen, before we leave, I should warn you, I'm a passionate man and I tend towards public displays of affection.
Leonard: What are you trying to tell me, Howard?
Howard: There might be some making out in the car or the restaurant, and I don't want Bernadette to feel uncomfortable, so it would help if you and Penny made out, too.
Leonard: Don't worry. We're planning to have sex right on the salad bar.

Bernadette: How's your work going, Penny? Any acting jobs?
Penny: Well, the last big thing I did was this production of Diary of Anne Frank above a bowling alley. But I think things might be turning around pretty soon.
Leonard: Great. How come?
Penny: Well, promise you won't make fun of me.
Leonard: Of course, I would never make fun of you.
Penny: Okay. Well, I went to this psychic who told me that if I cut my hair, I'm going to get a national commercial.
Leonard: (Laughing) Seriously? You're getting career advice from a psychic?
Howard: Good job not making fun of her.

Leonard: Hey. Cleaning out the old dryer lint, huh? Not only is it courteous, it's safety smart. Every year, 15,000 fires are caused by accidental dryer lint ignition. Now you're supposed to say, wow, what an interesting fact. Come here, you crazy, nerdy guy. I could never be mad at you.

Leonard: With all the TV Sheldon was talking about, I had the greatest idea ever. It even blows away my idea for a Star Wars themed coffee shop called Brewbacca's. You need to watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It is the perfect show for the two of us. It's got action and jokes and hot vampires and romance. I cannot oversell this. What do you say?
Penny: It's six thirty in the morning.
Leonard: I thought you grew up on a farm.

Penny: So, I was thinking how excited you get about stuff like Buffy or science or which TV remote you and Sheldon should buy.
Leonard: The Harmony One was fine. We didn't need to upgrade to the eleven hundred, which he knows is too big for my hand.

Penny: Okay, listen, there's something I need to tell you. I've been thinking about going back to school for a while now. So a couple months ago, I started taking a history class at the community college.
Leonard: Oh. That's great. Great, great, great. Why wait so long to tell me?
Penny: I don't want you to make a big deal out of it.
Leonard: Why do you think I'd be like that? I get it, you're taking one class. It's nice. Maybe if it goes well, you take another, you enroll full-time. Ooh, be sure to keep an eye on which credits transfer to a four-year college.
Penny: You're making it a big deal.
Leonard: Sorry. (nonchalantly) Whatever. It's all good.

Leonard: That's nice that they're getting along.
Raj: Your girlfriend and your ex-girlfriend are hanging out together? Oh, yeah, that can only be good for you.
Leonard: What are you talking about?
Raj: One of them broke up with you. Do you really want her telling the other one why?
Leonard: I don't care. I don't have anything to hide.
Raj: Good, good. Then you have nothing to worry about.
Leonard: No, I do not. You are a mean little man.

Leonard: So, how are you guys doing with all the new events in your womb?

Raj: Hey, guys, guys, President Siebert is headed this way.
Howard: I wonder what he wants.
Leonard: Doesn't look happy, so I'm guessing he wants to talk to Sheldon.
President Siebert: Dr. Cooper?
Leonard: Told ya.