Leonard: Joke all you want, but you think about it.
Penny: Well, tell you one thing, if I ever do get married, no Klingon invitations.
Leonard: Good luck catching a man with that attitude.

Sheldon: All right. I thought the candy might not be enough so let me up the ante. These are Cooper Coupons. These are for various things I can do for you. Um, oh, this one is for one free grammar check. Uh, you could use it for emails, letters, tattoos, what have you. Um, oh, this is fun one. This is an afternoon with me at the California Science Center, where I point out their mistakes.
Leonard: Keep an eye on those expiration dates, I've been burned more than once.

Stuart: You want me to wrap it?
Leonard: No, it's okay. I'm gonna stab my friend in the chest.

Leonard: Sheldon, can you grab me a water?
Sheldon: Possibly.
Leonard: Can you or can't you?
Sheldon: It's not that simple, Leonard.
Leonard: It never is, is it?

Leonard: Pretty cool about Howard, huh?
Sheldon: Dont talk to me as if nothing's happened between us. And yes, it sure is, buddy.
Leonard: For God's sake, will you stop with the Schrodinger stuff?
Sheldon: Would you prefer a simpler application of Heisenberg's uncertainty principle, in which I could either know where you are or whether I like you, but not both?
Leonard: You never stop talking, do you?

Leonard: Can we get autographed dolls?
Brent Spiner: Sure. Twenty bucks.
Leonard: Ten.
Brent Spiner: Eighteen.
Leonard: Twelve.
Brent Spiner: Sixteen.
Leonard: Two for thirty. And you come to my birthday party.
Brent Spiner: Done.

Dr. Gablehauser: Gentlemen, I'd like you to meet Dennis Kim. Dennis is a highly sought after doctorial candidate and we're hoping to have him do his graduate work here.
Leonard: Graduate work, very impressive.
Dr. Gablehauser: And he's only fifteen years old.
Sheldon: Not bad, I myself started graduate school at fourteen.
Dennis Kim: Well, I lost a year while my family was tunneling out of North Korea.
Leonard: Advantage Kim.

Howard: (Entering the apartment) Is he here?
Leonard: If he were, I wouldn't be.

Leonard: He'll never be able to cope with the fact that some fifteen year-old kid is smarter and more accomplished than he is.
Raj: Well, what if something were to happen to this boy so he was no longer a threat to Sheldon?
Howard: Then our problem would be solved.
Leonard: Hang on, are we talking about murdering Dennis Kim? ... I'm not saying no.

Raj: Okay, uh, how about her?
Leonard: Sure. If he wants to spend a couple of years doing her homework while she drinks herself into a stupor with non-fat White Russians, while you're the one holding her head out of the toilet while she's puking and telling you she wishes more guys were like you, and they she gets into Cornell because you wrote her essay for her, and you drive up to visit her one weekend and she acts like she doesn't even know you.

Bernadette: Do it! Have a baby, do it!
Howard: Come on, it'd be so cute, our kids playing together? What do you say, why don't you two hit the old mattress and whip up a family?
Penny: Okay, we're not gonna have a baby just to make you guys feel better.
Leonard: Yeah, if we're gonna have a baby it's gonna be when we are ready, or when I'm certain Penny is gonna leave me.
Penny: Exactly.

Leonard: I found another tweet from a student at Sheldon's lecture. Dr. Cooper has taken a relatively boring subject and managed to make it completely insufferable. Plus, he looks like a giant insect.

Penny: Hey, Leonard, is your wi-fi down? I can't get on.
Leonard: Oh, Sheldon changed the password. It's now Penny is a freeloader. No spaces.

Sheldon: Oh, tweets about my lecture. Hmm. That's rather unfair. That's downright cruel. Plus, insects have six legs. Yeah, I'm not familiar with the acronym KMN.
Leonard: Oh, uh, from the context, we think it means kill me now.

Sheldon: Well, on the bright side, after working together for 15 years, you finally get to hear me say, "You were right."
Leonard: Yeah, you did.
Sheldon: How's it feel?
Leonard: Given I might be unemployed, bittersweet.