Leonard: Hey. Excuse me, I'm looking for a Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
Asian Guy: Oh, so you're here about the room?
Leonard: Yeah.
Asian Guy: Run away, dude.
Leonard: Wait. What?
Asian Guy: Run fast, run far!

Leonard: Pardon me, Sheldon, but how many reels until the protagonist gets to his point?

Leonard: Penny, I told you if you don't put him in his crate at night, he just runs around the apartment.

Leonard: If I roll down the windows, everything is peachy. If you roll down the windows, you're still not a doctor.

Leonard: Open the landing bay doors, shuttle craft approaching.

Leonard: I'm the king of foreplay.

Sheldon: At my age, do you know how I'm statistically most likely to die?
Leonard: At the hands of your room mate?
Sheldon: An accident.
Leonard: That's how I'm going to make it look.

Leonard: Top of her class, Cambridge University. Licensed to practice law in three countries. And your face.

Penny: What are we gonna do?
Leonard: We? No, no, no. You had your chance to be "we" for like a year and a half now. Right now, you are you and you are screwed!

Leonard: What am I supposed to ask her? "Hey Penny, you got any friends that you never want to talk to again?"

Penny: What happened?
Leonard: Sheldon's escaped and he's terrorizing the village.

Howard: How long has he been stuck?
Leonard: Hmm, intellectually about 30 hours, emotionally about 29 years.

Leonard: (to Penny) It upsets Sheldon when you play with the Sheldon.

Leonard: Hypothetically, if I had access to a lieutenant Uhura uniform, would you wear it?
Priya: Leonard, it is a source of great pain to me and my family that my brother has that outfit in his wardrobe.

Leonard: Nice to know everything's OK with your plumbing. Err, the building's plumbing.