Howard: You have any idea what you're getting Sheldon for his birthday?
Raj: He's been fascinated with dinosaurs lately. Maybe we could get him a fossil.
Leonard: Well, just don't get anything Jurassic. He feels like that whole chunk of time has gone Hollywood.

Penny: You know, she's been opening up about her life, and she's actually been really supportive about mine.
Leonard: Really?
Penny: Yeah. I've been telling her about my job, and she said she was proud of me.
Leonard: Well, that's great. Never told me she was proud of me. Even when I stayed dry for a whole month.

Penny: Do you not want me to be friends with your mom?
Leonard: Well, let's be clear. I-I married you to hurt her. You're kind of ruining it.

Penny: Are you sure you don't want to go to the emergency room?
Leonard: No, no, I'm okay, it's stopped bleeding.
Penny: I know, but you did throw up. Isn't that a sign of a concussion?
Leonard: Yes, but I get car sick too, so...
Penny: Okay.
Leonard: Sorry about your car, by the way.
Penny: Oh, no, it's fine, you got most of it out the window.
Leonard: The poor guy on the bike.

Sheldon: I just know how much Professor Proton touched me as a child, and I feel that I owe it to him to try and touch as many children as possible.
Leonard: You should put that on your audition tape.

Leonard: We can have "take charge" attitudes.
Colonel Williams: Then why didn't either of you ask to be team leader?
Leonard: We didn't want to step on anyone's toes.

Leonard: You make a lot of sense. I like this table and I'm getting it.
Penny: Really, this one?
Leonard: That one.
*Penny nods*
Leonard: Damn right I like that one.

Sheldon: I've been doing some research on addiction, both the biochemical and behavioral aspects, and I think there's a problem with the current version of our lie.
Leonard: What are you talking about? It's fine. She bought it. It's over.
Sheldon: Sadly, it's not. Substance abuse is a lifelong struggle, but beyond that I have realized that the Leo I described would not have agreed to go to rehab.
Leonard: Why not?
Sheldon: Because Leo is a middle child.
Leonard: There is no Leo. How can you say that?
Sheldon: You didn't read the bio, did you? He's not just a middle child, he's the quintessential middle child, from a broken home to boot. Psychologically speaking, the attention he gets by rebelling even to the point of self-destruction is more emotionally valuable than the help he would get at rehab.
Leonard: I've got a solution.
Sheldon: Great, what is it?
Leonard: Get out.

Penny: Okay, Beverly, aren't you overreacting a little? All we know is they shared a cab and had a nightcap.
Sheldon: And turned their phones off.
Leonard: Not helping, buddy!

*Leonard using his inhaler*
Penny: I told you not to do the worm.
Leonard: (out of breath) You were right.

Leonard: Okay, hold on, so if you don't want to go and I don't need to bring you, is everything good?
Penny: Hold on, I'm trying to decide if I'm mad at you. No, I'm happy I don't have to go.
Leonard: All right, problem solved.

Leonard: Another fun sidenote, I went to high school with a girl named Theresa Gluino, but it didn't cost $2 billion to find her. She was smoking behind the gym.