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Quote from the episode The Rhinitis Revelation

Sheldon: That reminds me of another saying: You can lead a chicken to Crisco, but you can't make your mother fry it.
Mary Cooper: Sheldon, you pester me one more time about chicken and I will put you over my knee right here in this restaurant.
Leonard: Please pester her? Please? For me.

Quote from the episode The Rhinitis Revelation

Leonard: What did you think of the sushi?
Mary: It was good. Only thing - would have made it better if it was cooked - and if it was beef!

Quote from the episode The Rhinitis Revelation

Mary: Just because a cat's got kittens in the oven doesn't make 'em biscuits.

Quote from the episode The Convergence Convergence

Mary Cooper: All right, everyone, calm down. Let's all remember what it says in the Bible: "He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty."
Beverly Hofstadter: Oh, dear woman, can you please read another book?
Mary Cooper: When God writes one, I will.

Quote from the episode The Maternal Combustion

Mary Cooper: I know the answer. You're not gonna like it.
Beverly Hofstadter: Try me.
Mary Cooper: When I was pregnant with Shelly, I was driving to church. And I was praying to the Lord to give me a son smarter than his dumb-ass daddy. And I looked over and I saw a Jesus bobblehead in the Subaru next to me, nodding yes.

Quote from the episode The Luminous Fish Effect

Mary Cooper: Sweetheart, your little friend is concerned about you.

Quote from the episode The Convergence Convergence

Alfred Hofstadter: Well, on that note, there are many cultures that have an apocalyptic flood as part of their mythology.
Mary Cooper: I don't have a mythology. I have the unerring Word of God. But that's very interesting.
Alfred Hofstadter: Oh. I, I didn't mean to disparage your faith. Actually, I admire it.
Mary Cooper: Really?
Alfred Hofstadter: Yes. Yes, I'm an agnostic myself. But I have prayed many times to God, to turn my wife into a pillar of salt.
Mary Cooper: Well, He came close. Turned her into a giant block of ice.

Quote from the episode The Maternal Combustion

Mary Cooper: I'm so glad that you and I were able to bury the hatchet.
Beverly Hofstadter: Me, too. And I respect your right to your beliefs.
Mary Cooper: And I will pray for you.

Quote from the episode The Luminous Fish Effect

Dr. Gablehauser: Now that's impossible, you must have had him when you were a teenager.
Mary Cooper: Oh, aren't you sweet. His father's dead.

Quote from the episode The Bow Tie Asymmetry

Mark Hamill: Welcome. We are gathered here today in the sight of family, friends and Almighty God.
Sheldon: That's too religious.
Mark Hamill: That lady over there made me say it.
Mary: He heard you, and he can't un-hear you.

Quote from the episode The Electric Can Opener Fluctuation

Mrs. Cooper: By His hand we are all
Sheldon: Fed.
Mrs. Cooper: Give us, Lord, our daily
Sheldon: Bread.
Mrs. Cooper: Please know that we are truly
Sheldon: Grateful.
Mrs .Cooper: For every cup and every
Sheldon: Plateful.
Mrs. Cooper: Amen.

Quote from the episode The Holiday Summation

Mary Cooper: Sheldon, if you're trying to prove me wrong, the tighty-whities on your head ain't changing my mind.

Quote from the episode The Luminous Fish Effect

Mary Cooper: I remember one summer when he was thirteen, he made a small nuclear reactor in the shed and told everybody he was going to provide free electricity for the whole town. Well, the only problem was he had no - what you call - fissionable materials. Anyway, when he went on the Internets to get some, a man from the government came by and sat him down - real gentle - and told him it's against the law to have yellowcake uranium in a shed.

Quote from the episode The Rhinitis Revelation

Howard: So this spring I get to go to the International Space Station.
Mary Cooper: Oh my word. A trip to the heavens. If you ever want to live there eternally, I've got a good book you can read.

Quote from the episode The Rhinitis Revelation

Mary Cooper: I am not abandoning you, Sheldon. Abandoning you is leaving you in a basket on a church doorstep. I am going to Hollywood and thank a wax Ronald Reagan for his service to our country.

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