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Quote from the episode The Mommy Observation

Sheldon: Can you recommend a surface you haven't had coitus on?
Mary: That's not funny. ... Maybe we should sit at the table.

Quote from the episode The Mommy Observation

Sheldon: Well then why are you doing it?
Mary: Because I'm not perfect, Shelly. And that man's booty is.

Quote from the episode The Mommy Observation

Sheldon: Well, this is confusing for me. But I don't want to stand in the way of your happiness. So, I will condemn you internally while maintaining an outward appearance of acceptance.
Mary: That is very Christian of you.

Quote from the episode The Mommy Observation

Sheldon: I should let you know the world has changed since you were a young woman. It's not all sock hops, soda jerks and segregation any more.
Mary: How old do you think I am?

Quote from the episode The Rhinitis Revelation

Mary Cooper: It's all themed. There's Jonah and the Whale Watching. All-you-can-eat Last Supper Buffet. And my personal favorite, Gunning with God.

Quote from the episode The Rhinitis Revelation

Mary Cooper: When I was your age you could have me for a car ride and a bottle of strawberry wine.

Quote from the episode The Rhinitis Revelation

Leonard: You're talking like a crazy person.
Mary: Actually, I had him tested as a child. Doctor says he's fine.
Sheldon: Told ya.
Mary Cooper: Although, I do regret not following up with that specialist in Houston.

Quote from the episode The Rhinitis Revelation

Sheldon: That reminds me of another saying: You can lead a chicken to Crisco, but you can't make your mother fry it.
Mary Cooper: Sheldon, you pester me one more time about chicken and I will put you over my knee right here in this restaurant.
Leonard: Please pester her? Please? For me.

Quote from the episode The Rhinitis Revelation

Mary: Back home, there's a woman works at the Wal-Mart - tall, tall girl. Woman could hunt geese with a rake.

Quote from the episode The Rhinitis Revelation

Mary: Oh, it is a hoot and a half. You write your sins on a clay pigeon, they fire 'em up in the air and you pulverize 'em with a twelve gage shotgun full of our Lord's forgiveness.

Quote from the episode The Rhinitis Revelation

Leonard: What did you think of the sushi?
Mary: It was good. Only thing - would have made it better if it was cooked - and if it was beef!

Quote from the episode The Rhinitis Revelation

Mary: Just because a cat's got kittens in the oven doesn't make 'em biscuits.

Quote from the episode The Rhinitis Revelation

Mary Cooper: It's called the Born Again Boat Ride. Christian Quarterly gave it their highest rating: five thorny crowns.

Quote from the episode The Rhinitis Revelation

Mary Cooper: This is exciting. Back home, the diner on Route 4 serves sushi. But it's just cut up fish sticks and a side of Uncle Ben's. They put it on the menu in those Kung Fu letters but that don't make it sushi.

Quote from the episode The Rhinitis Revelation

Leonard: Kung Fu letters might not be politically correct.
Mary Cooper: Oh, I thought the one we couldn't say was Ching-Chong.
Leonard: Yeah, that too.

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