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Quote from the episode The Maternal Combustion

Mary Cooper: I tried to read your paper, but it was very hard for me to understand.
Sheldon: Oh, it's quite straightforward, actually. It describes a new model of the universe that conceptualizes it as the surface of an n-dimensional superfluid.
Mary Cooper: Interesting. You can believe that, but God filling an ark with animals two-by-two is nonsense.
Sheldon: What did they feed the lions, Mother?
Mary Cooper: The floating bodies of drowned sinners, of course.

Quote from the episode The Rhinitis Revelation

Mary Cooper: I want to thank you for the blessing that is my little Shelly. I also want to thank you for the continued strength not to coldcock him with my bible.

Quote from the episode The Rhinitis Revelation

Penny: Mrs Cooper, it smells so good.
Mary Cooper: You take notes, darling. The real way to get a man is with melted cheese and cream of mushroom soup. He'll die at fifty, but his love will be true.

Quote from the episode The Rhinitis Revelation

Mary Cooper: Oh, I so should have taken you to Houston.

Quote from the episode The Rhinitis Revelation

Mary Cooper: The trick to pancakes is bacon grease. I cook everything in it.
Leonard: Everything? Aren't you worried about your health?
Mary Cooper: Oh, doctors are always changing their minds. One week bacon grease is bad for you. The next week we're not getting enough of it.

Quote from the episode The Rhinitis Revelation

Mary Cooper: I am not abandoning you, Sheldon. Abandoning you is leaving you in a basket on a church doorstep. I am going to Hollywood and thank a wax Ronald Reagan for his service to our country.

Quote from the episode The Rhinitis Revelation

Mary Cooper: Oh, this one's sweet. You know, for your rosary rattlers.
Leonard: Mrs Cooper, we say Catholics, not rosary rattlers.
Mary Cooper: My goodness. It's a wonder you people in California can talk at all.

Quote from the episode The Rhinitis Revelation

Mary Cooper: Lord, Mary Cooper here, coming to you from Gomorrah, California.

Quote from the episode The Rhinitis Revelation

Mary Cooper: I thought it was our Indians that had the occasional alcohol problem.
Leonard: We don't say that either. I'll make you list.
Mary Cooper: Oh, that'd be mighty white of you.

Quote from the episode The Rhinitis Revelation

Mary Cooper: Sheldon, your friend is hurting. What do we do when someone's hurtin'?
Sheldon: Offer them a hot beverage.
Mary Cooper: And when they're drunk as a skunk, what beverage do we offer?
Sheldon: Coffee.
Mary Cooper: And what do we do it with?
*Sheldon smiles*

Quote from the episode The Rhinitis Revelation

Sheldon: I'm glad we're finally getting to do something together. Just the two of us.
Mary Cooper: Sure. One thing you really miss when you're on vacation is laundry.

Quote from the episode The Rhinitis Revelation

Mary Cooper: Hun, you think maybe the reason why you're having trouble finding a guy to settle down with, is because you're letting them ride the roller-coaster without buying a ticket?

Quote from the episode The Rhinitis Revelation

Howard: So this spring I get to go to the International Space Station.
Mary Cooper: Oh my word. A trip to the heavens. If you ever want to live there eternally, I've got a good book you can read.

Quote from the episode The Rhinitis Revelation

Mary Cooper: It's called the Born Again Boat Ride. Christian Quarterly gave it their highest rating: five thorny crowns.

Quote from the episode The Rhinitis Revelation

Mary Cooper: This is exciting. Back home, the diner on Route 4 serves sushi. But it's just cut up fish sticks and a side of Uncle Ben's. They put it on the menu in those Kung Fu letters but that don't make it sushi.

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