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Quote from the episode The Mommy Observation

Sheldon: Can you recommend a surface you haven't had coitus on?
Mary: That's not funny. ... Maybe we should sit at the table.

Quote from the episode The Convergence Convergence

Mary Cooper: I've always had a special place in my heart for Leonard. Taking care of my baby all these years.
Sheldon: Excuse me, I take care of him.
Mary Cooper: Sure you do.

Quote from the episode The Convergence Convergence

Alfred Hofstadter: Well, on that note, there are many cultures that have an apocalyptic flood as part of their mythology.
Mary Cooper: I don't have a mythology. I have the unerring Word of God. But that's very interesting.
Alfred Hofstadter: Oh. I, I didn't mean to disparage your faith. Actually, I admire it.
Mary Cooper: Really?
Alfred Hofstadter: Yes. Yes, I'm an agnostic myself. But I have prayed many times to God, to turn my wife into a pillar of salt.
Mary Cooper: Well, He came close. Turned her into a giant block of ice.

Quote from the episode The Rhinitis Revelation

Mary Cooper: Lord, Mary Cooper here, coming to you from Gomorrah, California.

Quote from the episode The Rhinitis Revelation

Mary Cooper: Oh, I so should have taken you to Houston.

Quote from the episode The Convergence Convergence

Mary Cooper: All right, everyone, calm down. Let's all remember what it says in the Bible: "He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty."
Beverly Hofstadter: Oh, dear woman, can you please read another book?
Mary Cooper: When God writes one, I will.

Quote from the episode The Luminous Fish Effect

Mary Cooper: Leonard, don't trouble yourself. He's stubborn. He may stay in there 'til the rapture.

Quote from the episode The Luminous Fish Effect

Leonard: He sounds like a wise man.
Mary Cooper: Oh, not that wise. He once tried to fight a bobcat for some licorice.

Quote from the episode The Luminous Fish Effect

Mary: I made chicken. I hope it's not one of the animals that you people think is magic.

Quote from the episode The Matrimonial Momentum

Sheldon: Wasn't Mary Magdalene a woman of ill repute?
Mary Cooper: When your idiot brother redeems mankind, he can date whoever he wants.

Quote from the episode The Rhinitis Revelation

Mary Cooper: Hun, you think maybe the reason why you're having trouble finding a guy to settle down with, is because you're letting them ride the roller-coaster without buying a ticket?

Quote from the episode The Maternal Combustion

Mary Cooper: I tried to read your paper, but it was very hard for me to understand.
Sheldon: Oh, it's quite straightforward, actually. It describes a new model of the universe that conceptualizes it as the surface of an n-dimensional superfluid.
Mary Cooper: Interesting. You can believe that, but God filling an ark with animals two-by-two is nonsense.
Sheldon: What did they feed the lions, Mother?
Mary Cooper: The floating bodies of drowned sinners, of course.

Quote from the episode The Mommy Observation

Sheldon: I should let you know the world has changed since you were a young woman. It's not all sock hops, soda jerks and segregation any more.
Mary: How old do you think I am?

Quote from the episode The Electric Can Opener Fluctuation

Mary Cooper: There's no alcohol in this household. Stop talking like that. And lose the hat.

Quote from the episode The Electric Can Opener Fluctuation

Mary Cooper: Don't tell me prayer doesn't work.

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