Sheldon: Thanks for carving a smiley face in my grilled cheese sandwich.
Mary Cooper: Well, I know how to take care of my baby. His eyes came out a little thin, but you can just pretend he's Chinese.

Mary Cooper: If you recall, when you were little we sat right here at this very spot and talked about some of the problems you had getting along with the neighbor kids.
Sheldon: That was different. They were threatened by my intelligence and too stupid to know that's why they hated me.
Mary Cooper: Oh, baby. They knew very well why they hated you.

Mary Cooper: There's no alcohol in this household. Stop talking like that. And lose the hat.

Mary Cooper: Raj is it? Still having trouble talking to the ladies? Because you know at our church we have a woman who's an amazing healer. Mainly she does crutch and wheelchair people. But I bet she'd be willing to take a shot at whatever third-world demon is running around inside of you.

Mary Cooper: Don't tell me prayer doesn't work.

Howard: Forgive me for being so bold, but I now see where Sheldon gets his charming good looks.
Mary: Honey, that ain't gonna work, but you keep trying.

Mary: I made chicken. I hope it's not one of the animals that you people think is magic.

Penny: This is the best cobbler I've ever had.
Mary Cooper: It was always Sheldon's favorite. You know what the secret ingredient is?
Penny: Love?
Mary Cooper: Lard.

Mary Cooper: You know how your daddy used to say that you could only fish for so long before you gotta throw a stick of dynamite in the water?

Mary Cooper: I tell you, I love that boy to death but he has been difficult since he fell outta me at the K-Mart.

Mary: Leonard, the Lord never gives us more than we can handle. Thankfully, He blessed me with two other children who are dumb as soup.

Mary Cooper: I'm sorry, did I start that sentence with the words, "If it pleases your highness?"

Dr. Gablehauser: Now that's impossible, you must have had him when you were a teenager.
Mary Cooper: Oh, aren't you sweet. His father's dead.

Mary: He gets his temper from his daddy.
Leonard: Ah!
Mary: He's got my eyes.
Leonard: I see!
Mary: All that science stuff, that comes from Jesus.

Mary Cooper: Sweetheart, your little friend is concerned about you.