Mrs. Wolowitz: Howard, answer the door! I'm busy!
Howard: I'm busy too. You answer it.
Mrs. Wolowitz: I can't! I'm on the toilet!
Howard: For God's sake, I don't need to hear that! Can't you just say, "I'm busy"?
Mrs. Wolowitz: I said I'm busy, but that wasn't good enough for you!
Howard: You know what? I hope it's one of those home invasion deals, and they shoot me in the head.
Mrs. Wolowitz: Well, if it's a home invader, don't tell them I'm on the toilet!

Mrs. Wolowitz: Howard, what's going on?! Are you boys roughhousing?!
Howard: No, we're not roughhousing! We're scientists! Scientists don't roughhouse!
Mrs. Wolowitz: Excuse me, Mr. Grown-up!

Man's Voice: You want me to hide in the closet or go out the back?
Mrs. Wolowitz: Shh, you need to whisper.
Howard: Ma, who is in there?
Mrs. Wolowitz: Uh, nobody. The TV is on.
Man's Voice: I only got one sock. Where's my other sock?
Howard: Who is that?
Mrs. Wolowitz: I told you, it's the TV. Jay Leno lost a sock, it's hilarious.

Mary Cooper: Lord, thank You. Even though You can do anything, that was mighty impressive.

Howard: So, what do you think? Do you like her? She's great, huh?
Mrs. Wolowitz: She's a lovely girl. Cute as a button.
Howard: That's good to hear, 'cause I've got some news.
Mrs. Wolowitz: I hope it's good news, because I've got nothing but disappointment in here!

Howard: Besides food, did you get along? Did you talk?
Mrs. Wolowitz: Oh, sure. Did you know she's going to school to become a microbiologist?
Howard: No, she never mentioned it.
Mrs. Wolowitz: I bet she did and you didn't listen.

Howard: Ma, I'm home! Where are you?
Mrs. Wolowitz: I'm in the toilet.
Howard: So, how'd it go?
Mrs. Wolowitz: Too soon to say. I'm not done yet.
Howard: No, I mean lunch, today, with Bernadette.
Mrs. Wolowitz: Oh! I had a pastrami sandwich. She had eggplant lasagna. Like that's what a person orders in a Jewish deli.

Raj: I've had a lovely time eating your brisket and hearing about the things you've had removed from your body over the years. Didn't know you could have a cyst inside another cyst.
Mrs. Wolowitz: The doctor said they were like Russian nesting dolls.

Mrs. Wolowitz: You know what, I'll buy you All-Bran in case you get stopped up in outer space.

Mrs. Wolowitz: Frankly, after all your sleepovers with the little brown boy, a girl is a big relief!

Howard: Hey, ma, you got to rent me a tux!
Mrs. Wolowitz: Right now? What kind of sex are you having up there?

Mrs. Wolowitz: Okay then, you kids have fun. Use protection!

Mrs. Wolowitz: What kind of breakfast do you think they're going to give you in Russia?
Howard: They invented blintzes. I'll be fine.
Mrs. Wolowitz: They invented the lightbulb in New Jersey. It doesn't mean they hand them out to you when you go.

Stuart: What are you talking about? There's nothing weird going on between me and your mother.
Mrs. Wolowitz (o.s.): Stewie, your bath is getting cold!

Mrs. Wolowitz You're right. Who am I kidding? You should have seen me when I was young, Sheldon. The fellas used to line up and bring me boxes of candy. Why did I eat it all? Will you hold me?