Amy: Look at what you've done to me!
Penny: Ah, hey. Could you just, like, not touch my computer or like, anything else. I just, ugh, I don't want to look like that in your wedding photos.

Howard: Guys, so what do you think?
Leonard: Well, I don't know, we're pretty happy here.
Penny: Yeah. Plus, if we moved, we'd probably just get a loft downtown.
Leonard: Really? I always figured we'd get a place with a yard.
Penny: Oh, sure, yeah, that makes sense, so you could shoot hoops and mow the lawn?

Leonard: I just don't think you can truly know someone until you've spent a lot of time with them.
Raj: Really? What's Penny's dream vacation?
Leonard: Uh, Malibu beach house.
Penny: That's Barbie's dream vacation. Maybe you should send us that questionnaire.

Penny: You know, if this woman's gonna be around, I think we should check her out a little. I looked online. She doesn't have an Instagram, which means she's either 80 or something's wrong with her.

Bernadette: Oh, this is so nice.
Penny: Mm-hmm.
Bernadette: Maybe instead of introducing ourselves to Anu, we could just get a room, order some food and take a nap.
Penny: Yeah, I've fallen for that line before. It never leads to napping.

Bernadette: I dunno, I married for love and it turned out ... fine.
Penny: [silence] Oh, yeah, me, too.

Amy: Are you guys all dressing up for work?
Howard: Of course. I mean, how often do you get to wear costumes to work?
Penny: Says the man with a giant belt buckle and a dickey.
Howard: Hey, this is not a costume. It's a choice. It's a style.
Penny: It's a tragedy.

Leonard: Hey, do you remember what happened at that first Halloween party that you invited me to?
Penny: When I threw up in the pumpkin?
Leonard: More memorable than that.
Penny: Really? That was pretty impressive.
Leonard: We had our first kiss. On this very couch.
Penny: No, no, our first kiss was at your birthday. Remember? I threw you a party, you didn't make it, and I felt bad for you.
Leonard: No, no, it was on Halloween, and you felt bad for me.
Penny: If we're gonna go through every party where I felt bad for you, we're gonna be here awhile.

Penny: Well, people came, they ate, they vowed to never speak to each other again. I think it was a successful party.

Bernadette: It's just that work's been crazy, and the minute I get home, I have two kids hanging on me, and sometimes I don't want babies pulling my hair and pinching my belly fat.
Penny: That'd be a good slogan for a condom company.

Penny: Someone's making decisions.
Leonard: I'm reviewing these proposals.
Penny: Yeah. 'Cause you're the boss man, telling people what's what. I like it.
Leonard: (whining) It's just so hard! All-all three of these proposals have merit. How do I choose?
Penny: Well, not with that voice.

Penny: Raj, it's gonna be okay. Look, sex isn't the most important thing in a relationship.
My first time with Leonard was nothing to write home about.
Raj: Really?
Penny: Yeah, but, you know, over time it got better.
Raj: So practice makes perfect?
Penny: Well, practice makes better.

Penny: So you've been using Sheldon as an excuse to get out of seeing your mother?
Amy: I know. I feel terrible. I love my mom but, you know, sometimes-
Penny: Yeah. We-We've met her.

Penny: Is everything okay?
Leonard: No, I found a paper that proves their theory wrong. They thought this was gonna be their Nobel Prize. It's gonna break his heart.
Penny: Oh, man. Maybe leave an anonymous note, you know, like in high school, when you want to let your best friend know that her boyfriend's cheating on her.
Leonard: Why wouldn't you just tell her that?
Penny: I don't know. Maybe you had a hickey.
Leonard: Isn't it better to get bad news from a friend?
Penny: Trust me, it's not. I went to prom with a hickey and a black eye.

Penny: Okay, Sheldon and Amy are still pretty upset about their theory being disproved.
Leonard: So we have made a list of subjects for everyone to avoid.
Penny: Symmetry.
Leonard: Asymmetry.
Penny: Uh, SimCity, sounds too much like symmetry.
Leonard: That also applies to The Simpsons, Simba from The Lion King, and cymbals.
Penny: Russia or Russian in any context. The country, the dressing, the roulette.