Penny: How did it go?
Leonard: Great.
Penny: What, so you got the job?
Leonard: I did not.
Penny: So you quit? Okay, Leonard, I can't move. I just bought a six-month membership to SoulCycle.

Amy: Your husband was acting kind of weird today.
Penny: You sure you're not thinking about your husband?
Amy: No. He was acting all sketchy. Almost like he was guilty or something.
Penny: Oh. Well, that doesn't mean anything. I mean, Leonard has resting guilt face.
Yeah, it's- It's like, "What are you guilty about, Leonard?" "Nothing." "Well, then, tell it to your face." [scoffs]

Penny: Never? Isn't that usually when you go to the gym?

Beverly Hofstadter: Really? A photon entanglement team.
Leonard: Yeah, I'm actually the colead.
Penny: Yeah, if you like photons and how they get entangled, he's your co-guy.

Penny: Still, it made him so happy showing you around his lab yesterday.
Beverly Hofstadter: Interesting. Would you say that that made him, uh, much happier than usual, somewhat happier than usual or as happy as usual?
Penny: Hmm, multiple choice. Um, I'm-a go with D: "that's a weird question."

Leonard: It made me really happy. We haven't always had the easiest relationship. But, well, looking back, I guess you were just trying to push me to be the best version of myself.
Beverly Hofstadter: So you would say that my parenting strategies, although difficult at times, directly contributed to your current success?
Penny: Well, I may have had a little something to do with it. I mean, how often do you wear your superhero underwear now?
Leonard: Only Fridays and my birthday.
Penny: Yeah, that was all me. That was me.

Sheldon: This is a nightmare.
Penny: What's with him?
Leonard: He won a Nobel Prize, and his wife looks amazing.
Penny: Oh. Yeah, got it.

Leonard: What about if you went out with me?
Penny: Are you asking me out?
Leonard: Um, yes, I am, asking you out.
Penny: Wow.
Leonard: I was just going off your comment about the nice guy...
Penny: No, I know, I got that. Yeah, totally.
Leonard: ...thing and honestly, it's no big deal.
Penny: Yes.
Leonard: Yes what?
Penny: Yes, I will go out with you.
Leonard: Really?
Penny: Yeah. Why not, I mean, what do I have to lose?
Leonard: Yeah. That's the spirit.

Penny: Can I tell you a secret?
Raj: Yeah.
Penny: I screwed up. Leonard's a great guy. Never should have broken up with him.

Amy: He's mad at you, too. He says you're the succubus who led his friend astray.
Penny: I don't know what succubus is, but it has "suck" in it so that can't be good.

Leonard: Come on, not that book! It's got like every horrible story from my childhood in it.
Penny: Oh cool, are there pictures?

Penny: You know the only thing worse than a movie where they glue monkey hair to your ass, is getting fired from a movie where they glue monkey hair to your ass.

Penny: I brought coffee. I wasn't sure what you like, so I got a regular, a cappuccino and a chai tea. Since you like Raj, I thought you might be into that.

Penny: Hey, sorry this took so long. But you used to work here, you know how it is.
Bernadette: Kitchen slammed again?
Penny: No, I'm a terrible waitress, remember?

Leonard: I'm the one who thought of "Spockumentary."
Penny: And I'm laughing like I did the first time I heard it.