Penny: All right, my advice to you is do it at her place so you can leave when you need to. Uh, tell the truth, make it quick and be prepared for tears.
Raj: Oh, I'm gonna do a pre-cry before I go in there. Really dry myself out.
Leonard: She meant Emily.
Penny: No, I - I really didn't.

Penny: I have no reason to ... "B" mad at you. Minus.
Leonard: Wow.
Penny: That's right. On my paper. Not yours, mine, you punk-ass elf.

Penny: Wow. The last time I saw my grandma, the most exciting thing was watching the ash of her cigarette get longer and wondering if it was gonna fall in her pudding.
Leonard: Did it?
Penny: Yeah, right in there. She ate it and everything.

Meemaw: Let her go. And under no circumstance will you give her that engagement ring.
Amy: What ring?
Leonard: Maybe we should give them some privacy.
Penny: Yeah, yeah, yeah. You go ahead. I'll catch up with you.

Amy: You have an engagement ring?
Sheldon: Yes.
Amy: Penny, did you know about this?
Penny: All right, let's go.

Sheldon: Oh, I got a letter from my Meemaw. Smell this.
Penny: What is that?
Sheldon: Uh, roses, Bengay, and Dr. Scholls' foot powder.
Penny: Yeah, "Grandma", by Calvin Klein.

Penny: Then I'll return the favor and I won't tell...
Laura: Laura-
Penny: Laura that half the dirty movies you own are animated.

Leonard: What do we do? Kick them off?
Penny: If we drop them off at a fire station, they have to take them; no questions asked.

Emily: You know, I know he's a jerk, but I actually feel bad for him.
Penny: And now you see the problem.

Raj: What is wrong with you?
Sheldon: Look at him, caring about what's wrong with me. That is some top-shelf empathy. Hey, well, we should start a club.
Raj: You went to Emily's to apologize. And when you left, she was crying.
Sheldon: That is true. Well, I suppose I should apologize again.
*Everybody shouts No!*
Penny: Is she okay?
Raj: Yeah, I calmed her down. But she's not going to Vegas if he's going.
Howard: Wait, that's an option? I didn't know that was an option.
Sheldon: Well, that is fine, because I've decided that I won't be joining you. I've realized that the most genuine way to demonstrate the remorse I feel is to let you have this weekend to yourselves.
Raj: That's very mature of you.
Sheldon: Well, I've been on a little trip myself recently. Not to Sin City but to Sincere City. Where instead of genital warts, the only growth you'll come back with is personal growth.
Penny: And there's your next T-shirt.

Leonard: So, the guys and I were talking about renting a party bus and everyone going to Vegas.
Penny: Oh, that could be fun. But just to be clear, you mean a party bus with booze and music, right, not, like, juice boxes and video games?
Leonard: Yes. And Howard's birthday was a drop-off party. You didn't have to stay.

Penny: Hey, so I saw a movie trailer the other day. How could Batman possibly fight Superman? I mean, isn't that dumb?
Bernadette: Maybe he uses Kryptonite.
Emily: Well, Batman's got a lot of money. Maybe he builds a suit that can do everything Superman can do.
Penny: No, no, no, no, no. I've seen that movie. It's called Iron Man.
Leonard: (softly) What is happening?
Howard: I don't know.
Raj: But it's beautiful.

Penny: You know, if anything, he's turning me into his mother. Before I did pharmaceutical sales, I was an actress. You know, I was pretty good. You know, girl-next-door type, but hot. Doable.
Dr. Gallo: Hmm.
Penny: And not only am I Leonard's mother, but we have this man-child living with us named Sheldon.
Dr. Gallo: Oh, Leonard talked a lot about him. I wasn't sure if he was real.
Penny: Yeah, he's as real as the fine I get when I use too much toilet paper.

Dr. Gallo: Wow, you really do have a lot on your plate.
Penny: I do. You know, Leonard's right. Talking to you is really helping.
Dr. Gallo: Oh, I'm glad. You know, you might also benefit from a prescription for anxiety.
Penny: Okay, if you think it'll help. Oh, just don't make it Placinex. I do not need sudden fits of homicidal rage.

Penny: And in double-blind studies, Placinex proved extremely effective in treating all kinds of anxiety. Actually, funny story. The boys in the lab were worried about getting FDA approval for Placinex; they started taking it, stopped worrying.