Bernadette: More coffee?
Penny: No, Leonard's taking me to a physics lecture, and coffee'll just keep me awake.

Penny: Get away from me or I swear to God I will rip out what's left of your pubes!

Amy: I guess this is what we get for being with two testosterone-fueled alpha males. At some point, they're bound to lock horns.
Penny: I'm assuming these are some kind of horns they bought at Comic-Con?

Penny: He just didn't really challenge me on an intellectual level.
Bernadette: Couldn't you just fool around with him and then listen to NPR?
Penny: Wouldn't help. Zack couldn't even spell NPR.

Leonard: Well, I can't read your mind, Penny!
Penny: Really? Why not? You're so smart, and I'm so dumb.

Penny: Hey, Sheldon, you're always full of fun little facts. Where did the expression get your ass handed to you come from?
Sheldon: Don't know.
Penny: I wonder if it's from like ancient Rome where they'd actually chop somebody's ass off and then go, here. You know, to appease Loseroneous, the God of losers.

Leonard: Is my coitus whimsically inventive?
Penny: That is what I write on the bathroom walls. For a whimsically inventive time, call Leonard Hofstadter.
Leonard: I know you're joking, but I'd be okay with that.

Howard: Would you have opened the door if you knew it was me?
Penny: Not since I found out the teddy bear you gave me had a webcam in it.

Howard: What do you recommend for someone who worked up a man-sized appetite from a morning of weight training and cardio funk?
Penny: A shower.

Sheldon: I don't know what the protocol is here. Do I stay, do I leave? Do I wait to greet them with a refreshing beverage?
Penny: Gee, Sheldon, you're asking the wrong girl. I'm usually on the other side of the tie.

Penny: Hey, sorry this took so long. But you used to work here, you know how it is.
Bernadette: Kitchen slammed again?
Penny: No, I'm a terrible waitress, remember?

Sheldon: Penny, if you wouldn't mind, I'd like to have a conversation about girls.
Penny: I had a weird feeling we'd have a talk like this sooner or later. Are you finally fuzz in weird places?
Sheldon: Penny, please. I'm on the horns of a relationship dilemma. And for the record, I had a full pubis of hair by the time I was 19.
Penny: And for the record, bleugh.

Sheldon: I need access to the Cheesecake Factory's walk-in freezer.
Penny: Now, honey, I already told you, the hamburger meat is fresh and stored at a safe temperature.

Leonard: Hey, why don't you tell me about your showcase last night?
Penny: Oh, it was okay, I guess. Wasn't a big turnout, but they both really seemed to like it.
Leonard: There were only two people there?
Penny: By the end, yeah.

Penny: Whenever I'd see her, she'd say I was too skinny and would try and feed me.
Amy: She did that to me, too.
Penny: Don't take this away from me.