Penny: Oh, hi! I was just dropping off a cheesecake to Sheldon. He was robbed of a bunch of imaginary crap that's useful in a make-believe place.
Priya: I don't know what that means.
Penny: Yeah, well, sadly, I do.

Penny: You guys should've seen Leonard when I first met him. There was no eye contact. He was either looking up at the ceiling, or down at his shoes.
Amy: I'm drunk.
Penny: You know, for the first couple of months, whenever I would take off my bra, he would giggle and say, oh boy, my breast friends.

Penny: Hi. We're just heading out for a drink.
Amy: Because I do that now.
Bernadette: Count your blessings you're not a Tanzanian chimp.
Priya: What?
Penny: Don't listen to her, she's had a lot of ice cream.

Leonard: Okay, uh, how do I put this? Um, are you familiar with Darwin's observation of the finches in the Galapagos Islands?
Penny: Did they make a movie about it?
Leonard: No.
Penny: Then no.

Penny: You know, well, I'm happy Leonard's found someone. Not that anybody asked.

Howard: So you finally getting used to them doing it on a daily basis?
Penny: I'm not going out with him. He can sleep with whoever he wants.
Howard: Yeah, I was talking to Raj.
Penny: Oopsy.

Penny: Hey, I think I know how you did the card trick.
Sheldon: Oh. Oh, please. If I don't know, you don't know. That's axiomatic.
Penny: Come here. (Whispers theory to Howard)
Howard: You're right.
Penny: Not too bad for someone who doesn't know what axiomatic means.

Penny: Hey, look at Leonard in his fancy-ass grownup clothes. Way to go, Priya. For once, he doesn't look like a mannequin in the boys' department.

Penny: Hey, did he tell you I saved the silk shirt?
Priya: No, he did not.
Penny: He was gonna throw it in the washing machine with his Spider-man underwear. That's our Lenny, huh?
Priya: Yes, that's our Lenny.

Penny: Good morning, slut!
Leonard: What?
Penny: Oh, please! I recognise the walk of shame when I see it. All you're missing is a little smeared mascara and a purse with panties wadded up in it!

Penny: We can't keep explaining everything. Read that book we gave you.

Leonard: Well, Mrs. Latham said she was seriously considering donating money so we could get a cryogenic centrifugal pump.
Sheldon: Oh, wow!
Howard: Yes!
Leonard: Then she stuck her tongue down my throat.
Sheldon: Why?
Penny: Okay, we can't keep explaining everything. Read that book we got you.

Howard: Are you telling us that old lady wanted to have sex with you in exchange for giving your department millions of dollars?
Leonard: I think so.
Howard: You lucky duck.
Penny: You're really a broken toy, aren't you?

Sheldon: I'm so proud of you! You sold yourself out like a common streetwalker!
Leonard: No, I didn't do it for the money.
Sheldon: She stiffed you?
Penny: I believe that's what your roommate did to her.
Sheldon: What?
Penny: Again, read the book we gave you.

Penny: (Reading tweet) "Listening to Dr. Cooper has made me wanna start cutting myself again."