Sheldon: This day just keeps on getting worse and worse.
Penny: You know, if it makes you feel any better ...
Sheldon: It probably won't.
Penny: You're probably right.

Sheldon: But none of you know what this is like. Being celebrated for something you wish you never did.
Penny: You clearly haven't been with me at Mardi Gras.

Penny: I promise next time I get married, it won't be a joke. It will be for love ... or money.

Penny: *Discourteously hands Howard a bottle of wine* Here, thank you for having us.
Howard: What's the matter with you?
Leonard: Oh, she's mad at me because she just found out she's married to Zack.
Howard: Really? That dumb ass you used to date? That's hysterical!
Penny: I can't believe I felt bad for opening this in the car.

Penny: Look, I'm telling you I've done it. I clearly remember the cow standing up and then a cow on its side.
Leonard: Were you drunk?
Penny: I was sixteen and in Nebraska, what do you think?
Leonard: I think you're the one who fell over.
Penny: Well that would explain why the sky was also on its side.

Leonard: Look at me! *Pulls up his sweater to reveal a rash*
Penny: Oh my god. Is that sweater made of bees?

Leonard: If I take it off, Sheldon wins.
Penny: Sweetie, every night you don't kill him in his sleep, he wins.

Penny: I just wanna check her out because she hurt my friend. My Indian friend. Who's racist now?
Bernadette: You! Because you just called him your Indian friend.
Penny: Yeah, well ... you're short.

Leonard: I'll show you what's in the box if you promise not to flip out.
Sheldon: Why would I flip out? Is it a spider? Oh, oh, it's a spider?
Penny: No, if it were a spider, Lenny would have flipped out.

Leonard: Sheldon's being reasonable.
Penny: Yeah, it's freaking me out. I'm gonna go.

Amy: How do you not know how to use glue? Did you ditch pre-school?
Penny: Yeah, but only because I was dating a second-grader.

Penny: What's thoughtful is everything you do. Here, look at this. This is the plane ticket you bought me when I was too poor to go home for the holidays. And the rose you left on my windshield just because. Here's the thank you letter you wrote me after the first time I slept with you. All eleven pages of it.
Leonard: I can't believe you saved all this stuff.
Penny: Of course I did, it's you.
Leonard: Come here. ... Is that a pregnancy test?
Penny: Oh yeah, just the first one. I didn't save them all.

Raj: Penny, if you truly want to be romantic it has to come from you.
Penny: I get that, but why is this so hard?
Raj: You've probably never had to do this before because you're young and beautiful, and men have always thrown themselves at you.
Penny: Yeah, I'm trying to be sad about that. I can't.

Penny: I don't know if I wanna cook for him. He's kind of a picky eater. "It's too salty. It's too dry. It's too burnt and frozen at the same time."

Raj: Well, I've always had this fantasy that involves dancing. The sexual chemistry between my partner and me. But boy oh boy, does my father not approve until he sees us in the big dance competition.
Penny: Okay, that's just the plot for "Dirty Dancing".