Sheldon: It was you. I touched you!
Penny: Happy Valentine's Day.

Leonard: This tray contains clues as to what you and I are going to be doing on Valentine's Day.
Penny: Oh, wow. Okay. Let's see. We've got milk chocolate, Swiss cheese, fondue.
My lactose-intolerant boyfriend is going to eat all this, then I'm going to climb on his back and rocket to the moon?

Leonard: But it does involve air travel. Okay, um, let me slice this Swiss cheese with my Swiss army knife, and then you can wash it down with a cup of Swiss Miss instant cocoa.
Penny: Okay, I'm starting to think Swiss is key here.
Leonard: Uh-huh.
Penny: We're going to Disneyland and ride the Matterhorn?
Leonard: How does that involve air travel?
Penny: We're going to Disney World and ride the Matterhorn?

Leonard: Just think, this time tomorrow we'll be in Geneva, Switzerland for our first Valentine's Day.
Penny: I know! I went shopping today and bought special undies for the occasion.
Leonard: Thermal? 'cause it's gonna be cold.
Penny: Think it through, Leonard.

Penny: I can't believe it. if I hadn't been working the dinner shift, I would've run right into the robbers.
Leonard: Hey, there's no reason for you to be scared.
Penny: I'm not scared. I would've gone all Nebraska on their asses.

Penny: You know, I believe in ghosts, too.
Leonard: Great.
Penny: And astrology.
Leonard: I know, and pyramid power and healing crystals.
Penny: Oh, no, no, no, crystals don’t work.
Leonard: Really, that’s the line? Psychics are real, but crystals are voodoo?
Penny: Oh, Voodoo is real. You don't want to mess with Voodoo.

Penny: Wow, that's all you got after you were the most obnoxious person on a double date that included Howard Wolowitz?

Howard: Flesh-eating bacteria. And yet, I still want to kiss this woman, what does that tell you?
Penny: That you'd be willing to die a horrible death on the off-chance you'd get to second base?

Penny: She's not one of those phonies, okay. She wrote a book and has her own Web site.
Leonard: Oh, gee, why didn't you say so? They don't let just anyone have a Web site.
Penny: Why are you being such a jerk?
Leonard: You're surprised? Your psychic didn't tell you I was going to be a jerk?
Penny: Ha-ha, bite me.

Penny: Thank you for educating me.
Leonard: You're welcome. How's your fish?
Penny: Amazing. Would you like to try some?
Leonard: Yeah, sure.
Penny: Well, the fact is, you can't.

Leonard: No, I'm sorry. I really am. It's not right to mock what a person believes in.
Penny: Thank you. Would you be willing to go to my psychic and see what it's all about?
Leonard: Would you be willing to read a book that concisely explains how all psychics are frauds?
Penny: I would not.

Penny: Come on, I mean, you're not upset that your marriage is over?
Beverly: Well, initially I felt something akin to grief and perhaps anger, but that's the natural reaction of the limbic system to being betrayed by a loathsome son of a bitch.
Penny: Sure, sure.

Penny: I have to go to the bathroom.
Sheldon: Can't you hold it?
Penny: Not for 2600 years!

Penny: Yo, Raj, talk to me. I'm sorry, just screwing with you.

Sheldon: Now remember, you were given powerful pain medication and a muscle relaxer, so don't operate heavy machinery, and try not to choke on your own drool. [goes to leave] Penny: Wait! You have to help me get into bed. [laughs] "Sheldon has to help me get into bed". Bet you thought I'd never say that!
Sheldon: Yes. Charmed. Your drug-addled candor knows no bounds. [helps Penny into bed]
Penny: You know people think you are this weird robot man who's so annoying all the time and you totally are. But then it's like that movie Wall-E at the end. You're so full of love and you can save a plant and get fat people out of their floaty chairs.
Sheldon: That's a fairly labored metaphor but I appreciate the sentiment behind it.