Leonard: If you don't like this Christy, why are you letting her stay?
Penny: Well, she was engaged to my cousin while she was sleeping with my brother, so she's kind of family.

Penny: Wait. Wait, Sheldon come back, you forgot something.
Sheldon: What?
Penny: This plasma grenade. Ha! Look, it's raining you!

Leonard: Wow, Penny, you're on fire!
Penny: Yeah, so is Sheldon!

Penny: I grew up on a farm. From what I heard, they're either having sex or Howard's caught in a milking machine.

Sheldon: I need your help in a matter of semiotics.
Penny: What?
Sheldon: Semiotics, the study of signs and symbols as a branch of the philosophy related to linguistics.
Penny: Okay, honey, I know you think you are explaining yourself, but you're really not.

Sheldon: Who do I speak to about permanently reserving this table?
Penny: I don't know, a psychiatrist?

Howard: What do you recommend for someone who worked up a man-sized appetite from a morning of weight training and cardio funk?
Penny: A shower.

Sheldon: I don't know what the protocol is here. Do I stay, do I leave? Do I wait to greet them with a refreshing beverage?
Penny: Gee, Sheldon, you're asking the wrong girl. I'm usually on the other side of the tie.

Penny: Alright, look, a tie on the doorknob usually means someone doesn't want to be disturbed because they’re, you know, getting busy.
Sheldon: So you're saying Leonard has a girl in there.
Penny: Well, either that or he's lost his tie rack and gotten really into Bryan Adams.

Sheldon: The thing about tomatoes, I think you will really enjoy this, is that they are shelved with the vegetables but they are technically a fruit.
Penny: Interesting.
Sheldon: Isn't it!
Penny: No, I mean what you find enjoyable.

Penny: So, what's new in the world of physics?
Leonard: Nothing.
Penny: Really, nothing?
Leonard: Well, with the exception of string theory, not much has happened since the 1930s. And you can't prove string theory, at best you can say “Hey, look, my idea has an internal logical consistency.”
Penny: Ah. Well I'm sure things will pick up.

Penny: And what kind of doctor removes shoes from asses?

Leonard: How was work?
Penny: Well, you know, it's the Cheesecake Factory. People order cheesecake, and I bring it to them.
Leonard: So, you sort of act as a carbohydrate delivery system.
Penny: Yeah, call it whatever you want, I get minimum wage.

Penny: Oh, anyways I'm also writing a screenplay. It's about this sensitive girl who comes to LA from Lincoln, Nebraska, to be an actress and who ends up a waitress at the cheesecake factory.
Leonard: So it's based on your life?
Penny: No, I'm from Omaha!

Penny: I'm a vegetarian, except for fish, and the occasional steak. I LOVE steak!
Sheldon: Well, that's interesting. Leonard can't process corn.