Wolowitz: According to Alicia's Facebook page, she's hooking up with one of the producers on CSI.
Penny: Dead whore on TV, live one in real life.

Howard: [looking at his caller ID] Ooh, looks like I'm gonna have sex tonight. [answering phone] Hey, baby...
Penny: His right hand is calling him?

Penny: Since when do we offer one day rush?
Leonard: Amazon offers one day rush.
Penny: Yeah, but they don't have to glue the books together!

Leonard: Don't you think if a woman was living with me I'd be the first one to know about it?
Penny: Oh, sweetie, you'd be the last one to know about it.

Sheldon: The thing about tomatoes, I think you will really enjoy this, is that they are shelved with the vegetables but they are technically a fruit.
Penny: Interesting.
Sheldon: Isn't it!
Penny: No, I mean what you find enjoyable.

Howard: He compared Sheldon to a disposable feminine cleansing product one might use on a Summer's Eve.
Penny: Yeah and the bag it came in.

Sheldon: I would ask you to find some way to suppress your libido.
Penny: I could think about you.
Sheldon: Whatever works.

Penny: Holy crap on a cracker!

Sheldon: Just the latest copy of Applied Particle Physics Quarterly.
Penny: Oh, you know, that is so weird that yours came and mine didn't.

Sheldon: When I was a little boy and got sick, which was most of the time, my mother would read [The Monkey and the Princess] to me. It's about an Indian princess who befriends a monkey who was mocked by all the other monkeys because he was different. For some reason I related to it quite strongly.
Penny: I know the reason.
Leonard: We all know the reason.

Leonard: You know, Penny, we make such a good team, maybe we could enter a couple of Halo tournaments sometime.
Penny: Or we could just have a life.

Penny: Hey, guys! My friends and I got tired of dancing so we came over to have sex with you.
(The guys continue to play Halo).
Penny: Told ya.
(Penny and her friends leave).
Sheldon: Why did you hit pause?
Leonard: I thought I heard something.
Rajesh: What?
Leonard: No, never mind.

Leonard: If you don't like this Christy, why are you letting her stay?
Penny: Well, she was engaged to my cousin while she was sleeping with my brother, so she's kind of family.

Sheldon: Who do I speak to about permanently reserving this table?
Penny: I don't know, a psychiatrist?

Sheldon: I need your help in a matter of semiotics.
Penny: What?
Sheldon: Semiotics, the study of signs and symbols as a branch of the philosophy related to linguistics.
Penny: Okay, honey, I know you think you are explaining yourself, but you're really not.