Sheldon: I'm having a problem in my marriage. I've upset my wife and I don't know how to make it right.
Professor Proton: (chuckles) And you're and you're coming to me for advice? I-I upset my wife every time I woke up in the morning.

Professor Proton: Hello, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Hello, Arthur. Now, I'm confused, usually when you appear to me in my dreams, we're on the planet Dagobah.
Professor Proton: This is Dagobah.
Sheldon: I didn't know that Dagobah had delicatessens.
Professor Proton: Not good ones. Whatever you do, don't order the Reuben.

Professor Proton: Rule number one in a marriage: don't go to bed angry.
Sheldon: That makes sense.
Professor Proton: Rule number two in a marriage: if you don't recognize the shoes under your bed, they're not your shoes.
Sheldon: Because they're her shoes?
Professor Proton: (sighs) N-Never mind, just-just go with rule number one.
Sheldon: Thank you, Arthur.
Professor Proton: Uh, before you go, can I ask you a question?
Sheldon: Of course.
Professor Proton: Does this look lean to you? I ordered lean.

Professor Proton: But I, I do, I do have a favor to, to ask.
Sheldon: Name it.
Professor Proton: Well, I'm, I'm booked to do a children's party tomorrow, and, um, frankly I, you know, I, I don't feel up to it.
Sheldon: Oh, you're not. You look awful.
Professor Proton: Thank you. Anyway, uh, I mean, you know my act better than anybody. I was, I was hoping that maybe, you know, maybe you'd fill in for me.
Sheldon: Are you saying that you want me to be Professor Proton?
Professor Proton: Yeah.
Sheldon: Oh, my. What an honor. Oh, this is like being asked to ascend Mount Olympus and dine with the gods.
Professor Proton: Or a Korean family in Alhambra.
Sheldon: But they'll know I'm not you. Should I call myself Professor Proton, Jr.?
Professor Proton: Sounds great.
Sheldon: So, in a way it's like I'm your son.
Professor Proton: What- Whatever.
Sheldon: Father.
Professor Proton: Sure, what the hell.

Sheldon: But, um, I did have you. And every day at four o'clock, you'd come to my house on Channel 68, and we'd do science together. If it hadn't been for you, well, who knows what would've become of me? You know? Instead of a world-class physicist, I could've wound up as a hobo. Or a surgeon.
Leonard: I bet there are important discoveries being made every day because you inspired millions of kids to pursue science. In a way, their discoveries are your discoveries.
Sheldon: Yeah, it's true. A generation of young scientists are standing on your shoulders.
Professor Proton: Well, thank, thank you, guys. That, that, that means a lot.

Sheldon: Well, anyway, um, you may find this hard to believe, but I didn't have any friends growing up.
Professor Proton: No, I, I get that.

Leonard: Then what is it?

Professor Proton: I don't know. I think I'm just, I, I just, I just don't want to be Professor Proton any more.
Sheldon: Well, how can you say that? Professor Protons the best.
Professor Proton: What, what has it ever gotten me? I mean, I'm, I'm an 83-year-old man who has potatoes in, in his suitcase. Other scientists think, think I'm a joke. And the, the puppeteer who did, who did Gino, well, he also did my wife.

Penny: So, do you do a lot of appearances like this?
Professor Proton: It, it's hard to say. I'm, I'm still trying to figure out what, what th, what this is.
Leonard: We just wanted to hang out with you and maybe learn a little about your life.
Professor Proton: Well, there, there really isn't too much to tell. After the TV show was, was canceled, nobody in the scientific world would, uh, would take me seriously. So I was forced to do these, uh, children's parties to, to make a living.
Leonard: That's too bad. But still, working with kids, it must be rewarding.
Professor Proton: You, you get bit a lot.

Professor Proton: Look, guys, keep your money. I, I think, uh, I, I think I'm done.
Sheldon: What, well what's wrong? Is she upsetting you? Because I can make her go away.
Professor Proton: No, she, she's the only reason I've, I've stayed this long.

Professor Proton: Okay, as, as I put the egg on top, and, and the flame goes out and, and, and the air pressure decreases in, in the flask, what do you think will happen?
Penny: I think I know.
Sheldon: It's gonna get sucked in. It's going to get sucked in.
Penny: Okay, I didn't know.
Sheldon: Yes!
Penny: See, I'm not a scientist like them.
Professor Proton: I, I figured that out.

Professor Proton: Let me see if, if I have this straight. You, you two are, are physicists, and you, and you want me to do a children's science show?
Sheldon: Yes. And if there's time, take 12 pictures with us in seasonal clothing.
Professor Proton: You know, I'm a real scientist. I, I have a PhD from Cornell University.
Sheldon: Yeah, that's great. Did you bring your puppet?
Professor Proton: No, no. I, I hate that puppet.
Sheldon: Oh, no. How could anybody hate (in an exaggerated Italian accent) Gino the Neutrino? It's nice, huh? I got him for 20 bucks on eBay. (Italian accent) Including the shipping!
Professor Proton: I'm, I'm awake, right? Th, this is happening?

Sheldon: Arthur.
Professor Proton: You-you know, we could we could also meet in-in a deli.
Sheldon: I'm sorry to say that I failed you. I tried to stop Wil Wheaton being Professor Proton, but I couldn't.
Professor Proton: See, now, that's-that's the kind of thing you could tell a fella over a pastrami sandwich.

Sheldon: Well, don't worry. He's now on my enemies list forever. He's totally cut off.
Professor Proton: Interesting. Can-can anyone sign-sign up for that list?

Sheldon: I can't believe you don't care.
Professor Proton: Believe it.
Sheldon: Well, I care, a lot, and Wil Wheaton will rue the day he ever met me.
Professor Proton: I think that's true of most people.

Sheldon: We have to stop this and protect your legacy.
Professor Proton: What legacy? My-my last two seasons, I was on Sunday morning at 5:30.
We-we were beat by Davey and Goliath.