Professor Proton: Okay, as, as I put the egg on top, and, and the flame goes out and, and, and the air pressure decreases in, in the flask, what do you think will happen?
Penny: I think I know.
Sheldon: It's gonna get sucked in. It's going to get sucked in.
Penny: Okay, I didn't know.
Sheldon: Yes!
Penny: See, I'm not a scientist like them.
Professor Proton: I, I figured that out.

Sheldon: I'm having a problem in my marriage. I've upset my wife and I don't know how to make it right.
Professor Proton: (chuckles) And you're and you're coming to me for advice? I-I upset my wife every time I woke up in the morning.

Professor Proton: I'm having trouble with my pacemaker.
Leonard: I'll call for help.
Penny: Any chance we could plug it into the potato?
Professor Proton: No.

Sheldon: Where are you going?
Professor Proton: I don't know, but hopefully somewhere I can wear pants.

Sheldon: Oh, Arthur, what brings you back?
Professor Proton: Beats me. I just hope this is not a sex dream.

Arthur: It's fantastic. This is the longest I've gone without running into a men's room in years.

Sheldon: Why are you here?
Arthur: I don't know. I was hoping I was going to haunt my ex-wife.

Sheldon: Why do I need you now?
Arthur: Well, as near as I can tell. You fell asleep watching Star Wars and now you're dreaming you're watching Star Wars.
Sheldon: So?
Arthur: Don't you see a problem there? How you're spending your limited time on earth?
Sheldon: Not at all.
Arthur: Okay. Good luck to you.

Professor Proton: (To Penny) So, you have any single grandmothers?
Penny: Sorry, they're both married.
Professor Proton: Good. .... Happily?

Arthur: Appreciate them, Sheldon.

Professor Proton: Just, just call me Arthur.
Sheldon: Leonard, did you hear that? Professor Proton said I should call him Arthur. That means we're friends. Professor Proton: No, a friend would've told me about the elevator.

Sheldon: When Obi-Wan came to Luke on this very spot, he gave him all sorts of helpful advice. So what have you got for me?
Arthur: Uhmm ... Always get a pre-nup.

Professor Proton: This is something interesting, boys and girls. After an owl eats, he spits up part of his meal, that he can't digest, in the form of a pellet. Isn't that a hoot?

Sheldon: I can't believe you don't care.
Professor Proton: Believe it.
Sheldon: Well, I care, a lot, and Wil Wheaton will rue the day he ever met me.
Professor Proton: I think that's true of most people.

Sheldon: You're a grumpy figment. Look, they're remaking your show, and they cast Wil Wheaton as Professor Proton. And the worst part is, he's not even a scientist.
Professor Proton: No, the-the worst part is, I'm sitting on a moist log.