Professor Proton: (To Penny) So, you have any single grandmothers?
Penny: Sorry, they're both married.
Professor Proton: Good. .... Happily?

Arthur: It's fantastic. This is the longest I've gone without running into a men's room in years.

Sheldon: Why are you here?
Arthur: I don't know. I was hoping I was going to haunt my ex-wife.

Sheldon: Why do I need you now?
Arthur: Well, as near as I can tell. You fell asleep watching Star Wars and now you're dreaming you're watching Star Wars.
Sheldon: So?
Arthur: Don't you see a problem there? How you're spending your limited time on earth?
Sheldon: Not at all.
Arthur: Okay. Good luck to you.

Sheldon: I wrote a fan letter to you when I was a child in Texas, and you sent this autographed picture back to me. Do you remember that?
Professor Proton: I'll give you a hint. I have a bracelet with my own address on it.

Sheldon: Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur. Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr, purr, purr.
Professor Proton: Thank you, Sheldon. That, that was very nice.
Sheldon: Want me to sing it again?
Professor Proton: No. The fourth, the fourth time was the charm.

Sheldon: Oh, Arthur, what brings you back?
Professor Proton: Beats me. I just hope this is not a sex dream.

Sheldon: Where are you going?
Professor Proton: I don't know, but hopefully somewhere I can wear pants.

Professor Proton: Okay, as, as I put the egg on top, and, and the flame goes out and, and, and the air pressure decreases in, in the flask, what do you think will happen?
Penny: I think I know.
Sheldon: It's gonna get sucked in. It's going to get sucked in.
Penny: Okay, I didn't know.
Sheldon: Yes!
Penny: See, I'm not a scientist like them.
Professor Proton: I, I figured that out.

Sheldon: I'm having a problem in my marriage. I've upset my wife and I don't know how to make it right.
Professor Proton: (chuckles) And you're and you're coming to me for advice? I-I upset my wife every time I woke up in the morning.

Arthur: Appreciate them, Sheldon.

Professor Proton: Just, just call me Arthur.
Sheldon: Leonard, did you hear that? Professor Proton said I should call him Arthur. That means we're friends. Professor Proton: No, a friend would've told me about the elevator.

Sheldon: When Obi-Wan came to Luke on this very spot, he gave him all sorts of helpful advice. So what have you got for me?
Arthur: Uhmm ... Always get a pre-nup.

Professor Proton: This is something interesting, boys and girls. After an owl eats, he spits up part of his meal, that he can't digest, in the form of a pellet. Isn't that a hoot?

Sheldon: I can't believe you don't care.
Professor Proton: Believe it.
Sheldon: Well, I care, a lot, and Wil Wheaton will rue the day he ever met me.
Professor Proton: I think that's true of most people.