Sheldon: You're a grumpy figment. Look, they're remaking your show, and they cast Wil Wheaton as Professor Proton. And the worst part is, he's not even a scientist.
Professor Proton: No, the-the worst part is, I'm sitting on a moist log.

Sheldon: Hello, Arthur.
Professor Proton: What-what part of "rest in peace" don't you understand?

Sheldon: I suppose you're here because you heard the news?
Professor Proton: Sheldon, I'm a figment of your imagination. I don't hear news.

Professor Proton: Why isn't it ever Angie Dickinson's bedroom?

Professor Proton: Okay. Once the man gets the woman out of her bloomers-

Sheldon: No, not that. I understand the mechanics.
Professor Proton: Oh, good. Good. 'cause I have no idea what kids these days are calling their parts.
Sheldon: I think they say "junk."
Professor Proton: What is happening to this world?

Sheldon: Where are you going?
Professor Proton: I don't know, but hopefully somewhere I can wear pants.

Professor Proton: And can I get out of this mumu now?
Sheldon: Those are the robes of the Jedi, the guardians of peace and justice in the galaxy.
Professor Proton: And they don't wear underwear.

Sheldon: In the past, you've come to me when I was struggling with a dilemma.
Professor Proton: And the one time when you were afraid and you needed me for a night light.

Professor Proton: Oh, great, this again.

Sheldon: Oh, Arthur, what brings you back?
Professor Proton: Beats me. I just hope this is not a sex dream.

Sheldon: Should I call myself Professor Proton, Jr.?
Professor Proton: Sounds great.
Sheldon: So, in a way, it's like I'm your son.
Professor Proton: Whatever.
Sheldon: Father.
Professor Proton: Sure, what the hell.

Sheldon: Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur. Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr, purr, purr.
Professor Proton: Thank you, Sheldon. That, that was very nice.
Sheldon: Want me to sing it again?
Professor Proton: No. The fourth, the fourth time was the charm.

Sheldon: I wrote a fan letter to you when I was a child in Texas, and you sent this autographed picture back to me. Do you remember that?
Professor Proton: I'll give you a hint. I have a bracelet with my own address on it.

Leonard: You want one of us to go with you in the ambulance?
Sheldon: I'll do it.
Professor Proton: He's not a relative. He's not allowed, right?
Paramedic: No, that's not a rule. He can go.
Professor Proton: I can't catch a break today.