Raj Koothrappali Quotes Page 1 of 64

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Quote from the episode The Procreation Calculation

Anu: Raj. I know we don't know each other very well, but you seem like you'd make a good father and you're tall enough so I can wear heels and I think that's something worth fighting for. Will you marry me?
Raj: (stammering) Oh, my God, oh, my God. Yes, of course, of course I'll marry you!
Anu: If you'd like to kiss me you can.
Raj: Oh, great.
Anu: I should warn you I have a tongue piercing.
Raj: Oh, you're not that nice. (laughs)

Quote from the episode The Procreation Calculation

Anu: I guess if we're going forward with this wedding, we should talk about the next steps.
Raj: Oh, like themes and flowers?
Anu: Actually, finances and taxes.
Raj: Oh. We can't use that. That was the theme of my parents' divorce.

Quote from the episode The Procreation Calculation

Anu: I told my parents our first date went well and they got very excited.
Raj: Oh, tell me about it. My parents were so thrilled, they actually spoke to each other. So that was a disaster.

Quote from the episode The Procreation Calculation

Howard: Hey. Mind if I sit?
Raj: Did you just come here to tell me I'm making a gigantic mistake by having this blueberry muffin and I should've got a cinnamon roll like you did?
Howard: No.
Raj: Good, 'cause I'm happy with my choice. Although that cinnamon roll does smell good if you're open to halfsies.

Quote from the episode The Procreation Calculation

Raj: Why can't you just be happy for me?
Howard: Because you're being dumb. You don't know anything about her.
Raj: Well, how come you all get to be married and I have to stay single?
Howard: I think that's a question for a licensed professional.
Raj: You know what, you're not just insulting me. Okay? You're insulting my family, my culture and my future bride, Anu, a vegetarian with a master's degree from Cornell whose favorite fruit is pineapple.

Quote from the episode The Procreation Calculation

Howard: Wait, you're not seriously marrying a woman you've met once.
Raj: Why not? She's nice, I'm nice. We're just as likely to be happy as any other two people. Maybe even happier. (to Leonard) Sorry, that was not a swipe at you.
Leonard: I didn't think it was.
Raj: Yeah, good, 'cause it was not.

Quote from the episode The Procreation Calculation

Anu: Look, your whole sweet, insecure thing is cute, but honestly, I have no time for that. If you're not serious about this, you need to walk away now.
Raj: I-I am serious.
Anu: Good.
Raj: Okay. (chuckles) Okay, what does this mean?
Anu: I think it means I might be the future Mrs. -
Raj: Koothrappali.
Anu: How would you feel if I didn't change my name?
Raj: A little hurt, but you wouldn't know, because I'm too nice.

Quote from the episode The Procreation Calculation

Anu: I think I'm nice. Are you nice?
Raj: Oh, I'm definitely nice. Every time a girl breaks up with me she always starts with, "You're a nice guy."

Quote from the episode The Procreation Calculation

Raj: I get it. You know, um, I used to have a long list of what I wanted from a wife.
Uh, eyes like Sandra Bullock, hair like Sandra Bullock, and the bravery of Ryan Stone.
That's Sandra Bullock's character in Gravity. But now, I just want someone nice.

Quote from the episode The Procreation Calculation

Anu: Excuse me. Can we please get sparkling instead of tap, some clean silverware and find out what they're having? That looks delicious.
Waiter: Yes, ma'am.
Anu: Thank you. So, you're an astrophysicist?
Raj: Yes, ma'am. I-I mean, uh, just yes. U-Unless you prefer "ma'am."
Anu: I don't.
Raj: Good, because you don't seem like a ma'am. You seem more like a sweet thang.
Anu: Wow. You are not good at this.

Quote from the episode The Procreation Calculation

Raj: You guys should've talked about all this stuff while you were dating. I mean, me and Anu already know so much about each other.
Bernadette: Wait, I forget, is Anu your waxer?
Raj: Uh, no, that's Annette. Anu is the woman my father fixed me up with. We're going on our first date tomorrow. Which reminds me, I need to see Annette.

Quote from the episode The Wedding Gift Wormhole

Raj: Well, I haven't met her yet, but her name is Anu. My father says she comes from a good family. She's in her 30s. She works in hospitality management. So, as long as I can get through six to ten dates without revealing my true self this is happening.

Quote from the episode The Wedding Gift Wormhole

Raj: I know that, but I can't do this on my own. I need your help.
Dr. Koothrappali: (sighs) Well, then, I'm going to need your help, too. If I'm going to find a woman to set you up with, you're going to need to stop Instagramming pictures of you and your dog wearing matching sweaters.
Raj: Fine, if that's what it takes to show you that I'm serious. Uh, quick question. Do you mean just Instagram, or all my social?
Dr. Koothrappali: All of them!
Raj: Okay, deal.

Quote from the episode The Wedding Gift Wormhole

Stuart: I'm trying out some new colognes for my date with Denise.
Raj: Oh, and you just came over here to rub it in my face that you have a date?
Stuart: No. I came over here because I need advice, and you've gone out with more women than anybody I know.
Raj: Huh. I guess you're right. Sheldon's the smart one, Howard's the funny one, and apparently, I'm the ladies' man.
Stuart: Which one's Leonard?
Raj: Oh, yeah, right. I guess Leonard's the forgettable one.

Quote from the episode The Wedding Gift Wormhole

Stuart: Hey, Raj, will you, um, smell something for me?
Raj: Uh, that depends. Actually, it doesn't depend. Just no.

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