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Raj Koothrappali Quotes Page 1 of 69

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Quote from the episode The Conference Valuation

Howard: They're still asleep. Apparently, when I put someone down for a nap, they sleep hard.
Raj: That's a weird brag, Howard.

Quote from the episode The Conference Valuation

Raj: So, Leonard, what are you gonna do while Penny's away?
Leonard: I don't know. Maybe watch a movie with subtitles.
Sheldon: If you're looking for something outside the norm, I have invented a new chess variant where the bishops can also move like knights.
Raj: What do you call that, Bishops Be Crazy?
Sheldon: First of all, it would be "Bishops Are Crazy."
Raj: Not if you're being crazy.
Leonard: Checkmate.

Quote from the episode The D & D Vortex

Raj: Look, we know Leonard is out. You need to fill a seat. It should be one of us.
Leonard: Or give me another chance. I think me and Joe Manganiello were really hitting it off.
Howard: Joe Manganiello was there?
Raj: From Magic Mike?

Quote from the episode The D & D Vortex

Raj: You were in Wil's D&D game?
Sheldon: With William Shatner?
Howard: And you didn't tell us?
Leonard: I'm sorry, Wil made me promise not to.
Sheldon: I thought we were friends.
Leonard: Oh, come on, you guys would do the same thing.
Raj: No, we wouldn't! I told you when I was in spin class with Scarlett Johansson.
Leonard: It didn't even turn out to be Scarlett Johansson.
Raj: Well, that's her fault, not mine!

Quote from the episode The D & D Vortex

Howard: William Shatner, Kevin Smith. Who else could be there?
Leonard: Do you see what I see over his shoulder?
Howard: Is that a ghost?
Raj: I think it's Stuart.
Sheldon: That is Stuart. What-What's he doing there?
Raj: Maybe he died in Wil's house and he can't leave until he solves his own murder.

Quote from the episode The D & D Vortex

Raj: Hey, you guys want to read my fan fiction mash-up, "Captain Marvelous Mrs.
Maisel"?
Penny: Nope.
Bernadette: No.
Howard: Certainly not.
Raj: You don't even know what it's about.
Bernadette: Is it about a superhero who finds her voice by doing stand-up?
Raj: That's so much better than what I had. Mine is just a Jewish girl that flies.
Howard: I'd read that.

Quote from the episode The D & D Vortex

Sheldon: Raj, do you have something to add?
Raj: You brought shame upon yourself and your family. It's not funny, but it's true.

Quote from the episode The D & D Vortex

Leonard: Look, Sheldon's pretty embarrassed, so when he gets here, we should-
Howard: Make fun of him?
Leonard: A lot.
Raj: Guys, don't you think that's a little mean?
Howard: Yeah.
Raj: Okay, just so we're all on the same page.

Quote from the episode The D & D Vortex

Howard: Oh, poor Shatner.
Raj: Poor Shatner? I have to eat lunch now.

Quote from the episode The Donation Oscillation

Anu: They are definitely your weirdest friends.
Raj: If only that were true.

Quote from the episode The Donation Oscillation

Bernadette: We have kids, and it's not smart to put us both in danger.
Raj: That's a good point. When I was little, my parents never flew together. We thought it was because they loved us, but it turns out they hated each other.

Quote from the episode The Donation Oscillation

Howard: Where are the changing rooms?
Neil: Dressing rooms are in the back.
Raj: No peeking.

Quote from the episode The Donation Oscillation

Raj: We could still go. You know, make it a guys' weekend.
Howard: Yeah. (chuckles) All right, let's do it.
Raj: Great. It'll be like the good old days.
Howard: You mean when we were all sad, desperate and horribly alone?
Raj: I remember it more fondly.

Quote from the episode The Donation Oscillation

Raj: I really think we made the right decision.
Howard: Agreed, although I did have a pretty awesome bachelor party planned for this weekend.
Raj: Really? What was it?
Howard: Well, I used my NASA connections to get us four seats on that plane that lets you experience weightlessness.
Raj: The Vomit Comet. That is so cool. I've always wanted to experience weightlessness. The closest I ever came was that time I accidentally set my scale to kilograms.

Quote from the episode The Meteorite Manifestation

Bert: I need some help with a meteorite I found.
Leonard: Ah. I'd be happy to.
Bert: Oh, no, I meant Raj. I really need an astrophysicist.
Raj: Wow. This is exactly like a dream I had. Except in the dream, you're Gal Gadot.

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