Raj Koothrappali Quotes Page 1 of 54

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Quote from the episode The Tesla Recoil

Raj: All I'm saying is before you attack Ruchi, maybe you should take a long hard look in the mirror, because you know what you'll see, apart from radiant skin and luxuriously thick hair? Hypocrisy!
Bernadette: It is thick.

Quote from the episode The Tesla Recoil

Ruchi: Can I ask you a question? Mm? Does a drug still count as an antidepressant if its number one side effect is uncontrollable weeping?
Raj: I don't know. I always feel better after a good cry.

Quote from the episode The Tesla Recoil

Penny: You have to say something to Bernie.
Raj: I don't know. If I do that, she's gonna confront Ruchi, and then Ruchi's gonna stop sleeping with me.
Penny: Raj, you can't go on sleeping with a woman who's trying to screw over your friend.
Raj: Can't or must?

Quote from the episode The Tesla Recoil

Raj: I want you to know, I did what you asked. I talked to Ruchi and found out what's going on at work.
Bernadette: So is she trying to steal my projects?
Raj: No, not trying to, sounds like it's a done deal. Here, have a brownie.
Bernadette: I'm gonna kill her.
Raj: Okay, don't take this out on Ruchi. Is she trying to take your job? Yes. Is she parking in your space? Yes.
Did she get a laugh at a meeting yesterday by calling you "Pregnadette"? Big one. But you would've done the exact same thing, and you know it.

Quote from the episode The Tesla Recoil

Raj: Ah, that was fun. Put her there, buddy.
Ruchi: I am not fist bumping you after we have sex.
Raj: You're the one who wanted to keep things casual.
Ruchi: There's a difference between casual and weird.
Raj: Not the way I do it.

Quote from the episode The Tesla Recoil

Raj: So it turns out Ruchi is totally trying to take over Bernadette's projects.
Penny: Wow, she just told you that out of the blue?
Raj: Yeah, yeah, we had just made love. It was so beautiful. Our caramel-colored bodies were entwined like erotic taffy-
Penny: Get to the point!

Quote from the episode The Tesla Recoil

Raj: Uh, sorry, uh, yeah. I asked her about work, and she just admitted she has her eyes on Bernadette's projects.
Penny: Can't believe she would take advantage of a pregnant lady like that. So what did you do?
Raj: What do you think I did? I made small talk for 20 minutes and had sex again.

Quote from the episode The Tesla Recoil

Raj: Everything okay?
Bernadette: Yeah, there's just something I need to ask you.
Raj: (gasps) Oh, Bernie, I'd be thrilled.
Bernadette: It's not be my birth coach.
Raj: Okay, that hurts, but luckily I know how to breathe through it.

Quote from the episode The Tesla Recoil

Bernadette: I need you to find out if Ruchi's trying to steal my projects at work while I'm on bed rest.
Raj: She's not that kind of a person. She's-she's generous and charitable.
Bernadette: You're just saying that 'cause she's sleeping with you.
Raj: Yes, that's my favorite charity.

Quote from the episode The Tesla Recoil

Bernadette: I know I sound paranoid, but I'm feeling really vulnerable. If there's anything you could find out, it'd be great.
Raj: And if she is up to anything, what are you gonna do?
Bernadette: Nothing. I'll just calmly talk to her and explain there are certain boundaries that need to be respected. It's really for the benefit of everyone at the company.
Raj: Uh, okay, what you're saying sounds nice, but the way you're saying it is causing my testicles to take cover in my abdomen.

Quote from the episode The Tesla Recoil

Bernadette: I really appreciate the thought, but it's not necessary. I'll be back soon.
Ruchi: Don't worry about work. You take all the time you need.
Raj: Yeah, just turn off your brain and let your uterus do its magic. It's the star of the show now.

Quote from the episode The Tesla Recoil

Leonard: Edison was kind of a publicity hog and a bully.
Raj: Yeah, he electrocuted an elephant named Topsy just to make himself famous. If I had an elephant named Topsy, he would want for nothing. Also, he'd be named Jumbo.

Quote from the episode The Confidence Erosion

Raj: They asked me what my biggest weakness was, and 45 minutes later, they thanked me for coming.

Quote from the episode The Confidence Erosion

Raj: Howard doesn't mean anything by it. I think it's cultural. His people come from a very sarcastic village called Brooklyn.

Quote from the episode The Geology Methodology

Raj: What is there to get? She doesn't want to fall in love. At that point, all we are is two single people who find each other attractive and enjoy having-- Oh, got to go!

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