Raj Koothrappali Quotes Page 1 of 62

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Quote from the episode The Sibling Realignment

Jenna: You might not want to get too close. Pink eye.
Raj: Me, too! Bacterial?
Jenna: Yeah.
Raj: Same! (laughs) I-I know this is gonna sound crazy, but would you be interested in going to a wedding with me?

Quote from the episode The Sibling Realignment

Amy: Hey, whatever kind of pink eye their kids have, I have, and I need to know. And if it's viral, I'm screwed.
Howard: Maybe not. You know, I know it's not traditional wedding attire, but how about a welder's mask?
Raj: If you know a welder, that could be your "something borrowed".

Quote from the episode The Sibling Realignment

Raj: Hey, why didn't you invite him in the first place?
Sheldon: You don't know what it was like growing up with him.
Raj: I get it; I grew up with lots of brothers. My brother Adoot was especially mean.
Leonard: Really? I've never heard you mention Adoot.
Raj: Yeah, sure I have. He's the one who left the door open when we were kids, and my pet mongoose ran away. Stupid Adoot.

Quote from the episode The Jiminy Conjecture

Howard: No, no, not this time. I know insects, my friend, I spent many childhood years capturing them with nets, putting them in glass jars, sticking pins through them, mounting them on corrugated cardboard with Dymo labels underneath, identifying the genus and species. In Latin.
Raj: Oh, dude, you are never getting a shiksa goddess.

Quote from the episode The Jiminy Conjecture

Sheldon: What was that?
Raj: My stomach. Indian food doesn't agree with me. Ironic, isn't it?

Quote from the episode The Jiminy Conjecture

Leonard: Nothing flamed out. We don't have to have sex every night, you know.
Howard: You don't have to, but it's highly recommended.
Raj: Yeah, take advantage of that window of opportunity before it slams shut on your little dinky.

Quote from the episode The Monetary Insufficiency

Raj: You just have to wait for science to catch up or technology to get cheaper. Think about, uh, DVD players. They used to cost, like, a thousand dollars, but just the other day I used one to smash a bug.

Quote from the episode The Monetary Insufficiency

Howard: Hey. Missed you guys at the faculty mixer.
Raj: Ah, you should have been there; dessert was bananas. Sorry, that was misleading. The dessert was pie, but the pie was bananas. Actually, the pie was cherry, but the taste of the pie was bananas.

Quote from the episode The Friendship Contraction

Sheldon: Well, if Amy's too busy, that gives the rest of you an opportunity to make my life easier, thus assuring yourselves a footnote in my memoirs, tentatively entitled "You're Welcome, Mankind". All right, then, just shout when you hear the task you want to undertake. Uh, dentist. Okay, we can circle back to that one. Um, well, who wants to take me Wednesday morning to get new heels put on my dress shoes? Anyone? Oh. That one had hoot written all over it. Um, all right, uh, dermatologist? Allergist? Podiatrist? Supercuts? Okay, okay, here's a fun one. Um, I need a new picture frame and I have a hankering for Swedish meatballs. Who wants to spend the day with me at IKEA?
Raj: Their meatballs are pretty good.
Sheldon: What's that?
Raj: Nothing, nothing.

Quote from the episode The Vegas Renormalization

Mikayla: You want the girlfriend experience.
Leonard: Yes, yeah, exactly, the girlfriend experience.
Raj: Uh, actually, if it's not too much to ask, could we have the Jewish girlfriend experience.

Quote from the episode The Vegas Renormalization

Raj: What's wrong with you dude, that woman was all up in my jammy.
Leonard: Okay, I hate to break this to you and whatever your jammy is, but, I'm pretty sure she is a prostitute.
Raj: What? No.
Leonard: Okay, let me put it this way, in your entire life, how many gorgeous women have walked straight up to you in a bar and asked if you wanted to party.
Raj: Maybe I can save her.
Leonard: Maybe, but I'm guessing it will cost you about $500 an hour to try.
Raj: It was lovely meeting you, best of luck in your future endeavors.

Quote from the episode The Comet Polarization

Raj: I'm sorry.
Penny: I haven't even said anything yet.
Raj: I know, but I heard your footsteps coming up the stairs, and they sounded angry.

Quote from the episode The Comet Polarization

Raj: I was being I was being a jerk. We did this together, and I hogged all of the credit. And after you've been such a good friend to me over the years. Like, I wouldn't even be able to talk to women if it wasn't for you, so so I'm I'm gonna make sure that your name is on the comet.
Penny: Thank you.
Raj: Even if it's professionally embarrassing. You know, or maybe put me on thin ice at work. I may lose my funding. I still, uh still want to make this right.
Penny: Good. Bye.
Raj: That worked way better with Leonard.

Quote from the episode The Comet Polarization

Raj: Well, I'm sorry she's upset. But she didn't discover it.
Leonard: Oh, come on, you know she was a part of it. Just add her name to the registration.
Raj: But I already told everyone at work that I did it. My boss was so excited, he started calling me Captain Comet. Which is better than his last nickname for me: Dr. Doughnuts. Because one time I had two doughnuts. And two times I had three doughnuts.

Quote from the episode The Comet Polarization

Raj: You don't understand. Leonard, I need this. My last big discovery was: if you press your upper lip hard enough, you can block a sneeze.
Leonard: I told you that.

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