Raj Koothrappali Quotes Page 1 of 70
Quote from the episode The Itchy Brain Simulation
Howard: The man impersonating a bear would like you to know that, "Only you can prevent forest fires."
Raj: I don't get it.
Howard: You didn't have Smokey the Bear in India?
Raj: No. Was he anything like Munmun the Mongoose? He taught us not to play with cobras.
Howard: You had to be taught not to play with cobras?
Raj: You had to be taught not to burn down the forest?
Quote from the episode The Justice League Recombination
Leonard: You think Penny's right? Were we bullying Zack?
Howard: No, I know bullying. He left here unswirlied and his ass crack was underpants-free.
Raj: And nobody drew a penis on his forehead.
Leonard: That happened to you?
Raj: First day of cricket camp. They drew it so the testicles were my eyes.
Quote from the episode The Holographic Excitation
Raj: Before I forget, I'd like your opinion on the menus I've prepared for the Halloween party. The theme is "Food That Goes Bump in the Night".
Howard: "Creature from the Black Forest Ham Lagoon".
Raj: On sesame seed bunzillas.
Sheldon: "Night of the Living Garlic Bread"?
Raj: It's funny because bread sounds like dead.
Sheldon: I'm sorry, but these are just ordinary foods with the names bent into tortured puns. The dishes themselves are in no way Halloweeny.
Raj: Ooh, Hallo-weenies! That's a good one. They'll pair nicely with my "Draculoni and Cheese". How do I do it?
Quote from the episode The Prom Equivalency
Raj: Okay, here we go. [to Leonard & Penny] Say cheese. [to Sheldon & Amy] Say cheese. [to Howard & Bernadette] Say cousin.
Quote from the episode The 2003 Approximation
Raj: Okay, and here's the hook. "Thor and Dr. Jones. Thor and Dr. Jones. One plays with lightning. The other plays with bones."
Quote from the episode The Propagation Proposition
Dr. Koothrappali: Did you install a camera to spy on your fiancee?
Raj: What?! No!
Dr. Koothrappali: That's what her parents told me when they said they were calling off the wedding. But I told them you would never do such a thing.
Raj: Thank you. I mean, I did install a camera and I did spy on her, but I did not install it to spy on her.
Quote from the episode The Separation Triangulation
Raj: Uh, you know, my secret to making great omelets is that I beat the egg whites separately. Speaking of which, how long have you been separated? Speaking of which, how long have you been separated?
Nell: About two weeks.
Raj: That is not a lot of weeks. In fact, that's the bare minimum to get to the plural "weeks".
Quote from the episode The Egg Salad Equivalency
Raj: Huh. That is so strange. Human Resources wants to talk to me tomorrow. [to his dog] Could you stop licking your ass for two minutes? I have a problem here.
Quote from the episode The Stockholm Syndrome
Sarah Michelle Gellar: Just to be clear, this isn't a date.
Raj: Yeah, I know.
Sarah Michelle Gellar: Then why are you holding my hand?
Quote from the episode The Stockholm Syndrome
Raj: I found her boarding pass in her purse. It's totally her.
Quote from the episode The Stockholm Syndrome
Sheldon: As such, your behavior must reflect the highest standards. Uh, Raj. Bagel down.
Raj: If my blood sugar drops and I get bitchy, it's on you.
Quote from the episode The Stockholm Syndrome
Raj: Just remember, you're in charge. Don't let her pull you.
Bert: That seems like an unnecessary thing to say.
Quote from the episode The Change Constant
Amy: You know, you're right. This is a huge day for me, and I'm allowed to enjoy it without worrying how it's going to affect my husband.
Raj: Is it me or did it just get fierce in here?
Quote from the episode The Change Constant
Amy: Raj, please, not now.
Raj: Hey, what's wrong?
Amy: My picture's all over the Internet, and I look terrible.
Raj: No. Let me see. Well, that is an unfortunate angle. But who cares? You just won the Nobel. You should be proud of this moment.
Amy: I know I shouldn't care about how I look, and I never thought I did. It-It's stupid and shallow, but I just can't help it. Am I really this frumpy?
Raj: No. No, you are a beautiful woman. By the way, if you're not happy with those pictures, then make some changes. Get a haircut, new clothes, new glasses, big glasses - No glasses, then you won't be able to see those pictures.
Quote from the episode The Change Constant
Raj: Come on. Do something for yourself.
Amy: Well, I suppose I could get a haircut.
Raj: And some makeup and a new wardrobe and a little thank you gift for your shopping buddy if we see something he likes. Come on.
Amy: Where are we going?
Raj: Beverly Hills, where the things he likes are.
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