Raj Koothrappali Quotes Page 3 of 62

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Quote from the episode The Gates Excitation

Howard: We're not doing anything wrong. We're just hanging out in a hotel lobby. Plenty of people do that: businessmen, high-end prostitutes.
Raj: That's a fun new game, CEO or Ho.

Quote from the episode The Gates Excitation

Howard: Guys, guys, that's him. Be cool.
Raj: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Howard: Cooler.
Raj: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Quote from the episode The Hamburger Postulate

Sheldon: Alright, I'm moving my infantry division, augmented by a battalion of Orcs from Lord of the Rings, we flank the Tennessee Volunteers, and the North once again wins the Battle of Gettysburg.
Howard: Not so fast, remember the South still has two infantry divisions, plus Superman and Godzilla.
Leonard: No, no, no, no, Orcs are magic, Superman is vulnerable to magic, not to mention, you already lost Godzilla to the Illinois Cavalry and Hulk.
Raj: Why don't you just have Robert E. Lee charge the line with Shiva and Ganesh?

Quote from the episode The Hamburger Postulate

Howard: Hang on, honey. Shiva and Ganesh? The Hindu Gods against the entire Union army?
Leonard: And Orcs!
Penny: I'll be back.
Raj: Excuse me, Ganesh is the remover of obstacles, and Shiva is the destroyer. When the smoke clears, Abraham Lincoln will be speaking Hindi and drinking mint juleps.

Quote from the episode The Hamburger Postulate

Raj: Oh dear.
Howard: What's the matter?
Raj: She didn't take my order.
Howard: How can she take your order when you're too neurotic to talk to her?
Raj: Nevertheless, this will be reflected in her tip.

Quote from the episode The Reclusive Potential

Doctor Wolcott: Yeah, I'm a married man myself.
Leonard: Oh, really? Is she here?
Howard: And alive?
Raj: And can people other than you see her?

Quote from the episode The Athenaeum Allocation

Howard: Oh, boy. I really passed out hard.
Raj: Yeah, tell me about it. The kids could've screamed bloody murder and you wouldn't have woken up. Which I know because they did.

Quote from the episode The Athenaeum Allocation

Raj: So, how has it been, being home with two kids?
Howard: Oh, tiring, but super rewarding.
Raj: Oh, like Pilates, yeah, got it.

Quote from the episode The Athenaeum Allocation

Raj: Well, on one hand, they filled my tub with scented oils and brought me honeyed sweets; on the other hand, I spent my twenties incapable of talking to women. So you know, pros and cons.

Quote from the episode The Athenaeum Allocation

Raj: Wow, I admire you, Howard. It would be hard for me to buck traditional gender roles like that.
Howard: Didn't you see Taylor Swift twice this month?
Raj: Yeah, because she's hot, not because she sings my truth.

Quote from the episode The Athenaeum Allocation

Raj: Boy, seeing them all together like that has got my biological clock ticking like crazy.
Penny: Yeah, I don't think men have-
Raj: I do.

Quote from the episode The Athenaeum Allocation

Amy: Good news, we have save the date cards.
Raj: Huh, didn't go with my calligrapher. Interesting.

Quote from the episode The Spaghetti Catalyst

Raj: Hey, do you think the elastic woman in The Incredibles needs to use birth control or can she just be a diaphragm?
Howard: Well, that's it. We're officially out of things to talk about.

Quote from the episode The Spaghetti Catalyst

Sheldon: I got lost.
Leonard: How could you get lost? Your phone has GPS.
Sheldon: Satellites are down. Solar flares.
Raj: There are no solar flares right now.
Sheldon: Yes, there are.
Raj: Dude, I'm an astrophysicist. If there were solar flares, I'd be all up in it.

Quote from the episode The Spaghetti Catalyst

Leonard: Don't worry. You'll meet a girl someday.
Raj: No, I won't.
Leonard: Yes, you will, and she'll be beautiful, and kind and sexy and funny and everything you ever wanted in a woman.
Raj: You really think so?
Leonard: I do, and you'll fall hopelessly in love and give her your heart. And she'll take it and grind it into pathetic, little pieces.
Raj: But we'll have sex first, right?

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