Raj: So, forgive me forgive me for being nosy, but is there a wedding ring under those pretty rubber gloves?
Issabella: No, not for many years.
Raj: Oh, so, you are unencumbered?
Issabella: Just me and my son.
Raj: I love kids, how old is he?
Issabella: Nineteen.
Raj: That's a cute age. They can do so many things.

Doctor Wolcott: Well, um, I don't normally allow strangers into my house.
Raj: But when you do, you-you let them out, right?

Howard: All right, enough with the camera.
Raj: Well, this is not for me. This is for the baby. Some day she's gonna want to see this.
Howard: I'm sorry. Who's gonna want to see this?
Raj: I I said "she" but lots of things are she - boats and cars, whales. Like, "thar she blows!"
Stuart: You're doing great.

Raj: You want a real challenge, try keeping me from eating more of these.
Sheldon: You're just using food to mask the fear that you're fundamentally unlovable and therefore going to be alone forever.
Raj: Damn it, he's good at that, too.

Raj: And here's your daddy. When he tries to tell you he used to be cool, you can see he wasn't.

Bernadette: You bought a minivan?!
Howard: It's for the baby, and I didn't buy it. The dealer loaned it to me for a 24-hour test drive.
Raj: Though we did ding up the back pretty good with the crib, so you might have bought a minivan.

Leonard: I've always been jealous of how much money Raj's family has.
Raj: Thank you for saying that. Next to buying things, that is the best part about having money.

Amy: Did you say you guys are working on the guidance system tomorrow?
Leonard: Yeah, why?
Amy: Well, Sheldon said that he was gonna work with me on our quantum perception project.
Leonard: We've had this planned for a week.
Amy: Well, he reconfirmed with me this morning.
Raj: Guys, before this gets ugly, remember, the winner gets Sheldon.

Raj: Genius. I was gonna say, "Why does anyone think Sheldon's a genius?" But I didn't.

Raj: Oh, I know, why don't we get started on clearing out the baby's room?
Bernadette: Isn't it a little early for that?
Raj: You have to get to it eventually.
Bernadette: Oh, there's so much junk in there, it's embarrassing.
Raj: How can you be embarrassed around me? I'm gonna be in the room with you when you give birth.
Bernadette: I don't think you are.
Raj: You didn't think I was gonna be in your kitchen this morning, yet here I am.

Raj: Little parenting tip: sleeping babies hate flash photography.

Howard: You don't need your dad's money. You can get by on your salary.
Leonard: Yeah. Well, we work at the same place as you, and we've always been fine.
Raj: Oh, please. Look in the mirror. You both look ten years older than I do.

Stuart: Hey, Raj.
Raj: Hey, Stuart. What are you doing here?
Stuart: Oh, I'm living here again.
Raj: Do, uh, Howard and Bernadette know? Or is it like a possum in the walls kind of thing?

Sheldon: Shall we?
Raj: Oh, my God. It's light, it's flaky, it's buttery. You don't need to have sex with him, just eat one of these.

Anu: I think I'm nice. Are you nice?
Raj: Oh, I'm definitely nice. Every time a girl breaks up with me she always starts with, "You're a nice guy."