Sheldon: Shall we?
Raj: Oh, my God. It's light, it's flaky, it's buttery. You don't need to have sex with him, just eat one of these.

Amy: Did you say you guys are working on the guidance system tomorrow?
Leonard: Yeah, why?
Amy: Well, Sheldon said that he was gonna work with me on our quantum perception project.
Leonard: We've had this planned for a week.
Amy: Well, he reconfirmed with me this morning.
Raj: Guys, before this gets ugly, remember, the winner gets Sheldon.

Raj: Genius. I was gonna say, "Why does anyone think Sheldon's a genius?" But I didn't.

Raj: Oh, I know, why don't we get started on clearing out the baby's room?
Bernadette: Isn't it a little early for that?
Raj: You have to get to it eventually.
Bernadette: Oh, there's so much junk in there, it's embarrassing.
Raj: How can you be embarrassed around me? I'm gonna be in the room with you when you give birth.
Bernadette: I don't think you are.
Raj: You didn't think I was gonna be in your kitchen this morning, yet here I am.

Raj: Little parenting tip: sleeping babies hate flash photography.

Leonard: I've always been jealous of how much money Raj's family has.
Raj: Thank you for saying that. Next to buying things, that is the best part about having money.

Anu: I think I'm nice. Are you nice?
Raj: Oh, I'm definitely nice. Every time a girl breaks up with me she always starts with, "You're a nice guy."

Howard: You don't need your dad's money. You can get by on your salary.
Leonard: Yeah. Well, we work at the same place as you, and we've always been fine.
Raj: Oh, please. Look in the mirror. You both look ten years older than I do.

Stuart: Hey, Raj.
Raj: Hey, Stuart. What are you doing here?
Stuart: Oh, I'm living here again.
Raj: Do, uh, Howard and Bernadette know? Or is it like a possum in the walls kind of thing?

Stuart: I don't want to be an inconvenience. You've got all your lady friends -
Raj: Actually, I'm single now.
Stuart: What?! When did that happen?
Raj: It's okay. It's by choice. Well, their choice, and it's not okay.

Penny: Okay, how is that?
Raj: I can actually feel the toxins being pulled out of my skin.
Penny: Well, this is a moisturizing mask.
Raj: Oh, well, then I can actually feel the moisture going into my skin.

Stuart: Seriously, do you think I should ask her out?
Raj: Absolutely. Don't let love get away. It is the most important thing in the world. Without it, life is dark and meaningless and all you're left with is the judgmental gaze of your dog as you finish off a bag of Doritos on the toilet.

Raj: I don't know. If I want to watch old people sweat, I can just FaceTime my family in India.

Sheldon: Yeah, I picked it up without thinking about it. Which raises a neuro-scientific question, when did I decide to pick it up?
Raj: The bigger question is, what are you gonna eat with that spoon? You didn't get any food.

Bernadette: Hey, where you been?
Howard: Oh, we went and did a little shopping for the baby.
Raj: Wait till you see the crib we found.
Bernadette: You bought a crib without me?
Howard: You're gonna love it.
Raj: Yeah. It's the highest rated one on the market. I wouldn't even call it a crib. I'd call it a Fortress of Solitude for babies.