Raj Koothrappali Quotes Page 38 of 70

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Quote from the episode The Athenaeum Allocation

Raj: Well, on one hand, they filled my tub with scented oils and brought me honeyed sweets; on the other hand, I spent my twenties incapable of talking to women. So you know, pros and cons.

Quote from the episode The Athenaeum Allocation

Howard: Oh, boy. I really passed out hard.
Raj: Yeah, tell me about it. The kids could've screamed bloody murder and you wouldn't have woken up. Which I know because they did.

Quote from the episode The Hamburger Postulate

Raj: Oh dear.
Howard: What's the matter?
Raj: She didn't take my order.
Howard: How can she take your order when you're too neurotic to talk to her?
Raj: Nevertheless, this will be reflected in her tip.

Quote from the episode The Gates Excitation

Raj: What would you do if you had a billion dollars?
Howard: Same as Bill Gates, try to make the world a better place, but I'd do it in a working Iron Man suit.
Raj: I didn't know that came in a boys' medium.

Quote from the episode The Reclusive Potential

Doctor Wolcott: Well, um, I don't normally allow strangers into my house.
Raj: But when you do, you-you let them out, right?

Quote from the episode The Sibling Realignment

Amy: Hey, whatever kind of pink eye their kids have, I have, and I need to know. And if it's viral, I'm screwed.
Howard: Maybe not. You know, I know it's not traditional wedding attire, but how about a welder's mask?
Raj: If you know a welder, that could be your "something borrowed".

Quote from the episode The Wedding Gift Wormhole

Stuart: Seriously, do you think I should ask her out?
Raj: Absolutely. Don't let love get away. It is the most important thing in the world. Without it, life is dark and meaningless and all you're left with is the judgmental gaze of your dog as you finish off a bag of Doritos on the toilet.

Quote from the episode The Wedding Gift Wormhole

Stuart: I'm trying out some new colognes for my date with Denise.
Raj: Oh, and you just came over here to rub it in my face that you have a date?
Stuart: No. I came over here because I need advice, and you've gone out with more women than anybody I know.
Raj: Huh. I guess you're right. Sheldon's the smart one, Howard's the funny one, and apparently, I'm the ladies' man.
Stuart: Which one's Leonard?
Raj: Oh, yeah, right. I guess Leonard's the forgettable one.

Quote from the episode The Wedding Gift Wormhole

Raj: I know that, but I can't do this on my own. I need your help.
Dr. Koothrappali: (sighs) Well, then, I'm going to need your help, too. If I'm going to find a woman to set you up with, you're going to need to stop Instagramming pictures of you and your dog wearing matching sweaters.
Raj: Fine, if that's what it takes to show you that I'm serious. Uh, quick question. Do you mean just Instagram, or all my social?
Dr. Koothrappali: All of them!
Raj: Okay, deal.

Quote from the episode The Wedding Gift Wormhole

Raj: Well, I haven't met her yet, but her name is Anu. My father says she comes from a good family. She's in her 30s. She works in hospitality management. So, as long as I can get through six to ten dates without revealing my true self this is happening.

Quote from the episode The Procreation Calculation

Raj: I get it. You know, um, I used to have a long list of what I wanted from a wife.
Uh, eyes like Sandra Bullock, hair like Sandra Bullock, and the bravery of Ryan Stone.
That's Sandra Bullock's character in Gravity. But now, I just want someone nice.

Quote from the episode The Procreation Calculation

Anu: I think I'm nice. Are you nice?
Raj: Oh, I'm definitely nice. Every time a girl breaks up with me she always starts with, "You're a nice guy."

Quote from the episode The Procreation Calculation

Howard: Wait, you're not seriously marrying a woman you've met once.
Raj: Why not? She's nice, I'm nice. We're just as likely to be happy as any other two people. Maybe even happier. (to Leonard) Sorry, that was not a swipe at you.
Leonard: I didn't think it was.
Raj: Yeah, good, 'cause it was not.

Quote from the episode The Procreation Calculation

Raj: Why can't you just be happy for me?
Howard: Because you're being dumb. You don't know anything about her.
Raj: Well, how come you all get to be married and I have to stay single?
Howard: I think that's a question for a licensed professional.
Raj: You know what, you're not just insulting me. Okay? You're insulting my family, my culture and my future bride, Anu, a vegetarian with a master's degree from Cornell whose favorite fruit is pineapple.

Quote from the episode The Procreation Calculation

Anu: I guess if we're going forward with this wedding, we should talk about the next steps.
Raj: Oh, like themes and flowers?
Anu: Actually, finances and taxes.
Raj: Oh. We can't use that. That was the theme of my parents' divorce.

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