Raj: *Imitating Howard* My name is Howard. I can make your hair into diamonds. My mom is morbidly obese. Everyone love me.

Raj: There are just some things I feel more comfortable sharing with the girls. Because they won't make fun of me, or call me names, or ask me if my Koothrapanties are in a bunch.

Raj: As I'm sure you're aware the quickest way to a man's heart is through his -
Penny: Pants. But Leonard said sex doesn't count.
Raj: You poor thing. You have one arrow in your quiver and you just can't use it.

Penny: What else would you love? Other than being lifted over Patrick Swayze's head.
Raj: Oh, you could stand outside with a boombox in the air.
Penny: That's from "Say Anything".
Raj: Look, I'm a lonely guy. I watch a lot of movies.

Raj: I don't call anyone a whore, and the only time I use the phrase "my bitch", I'm referring to you (Howard).

Raj: What started as a pap smear turned into a date, which turned into her working there, which turned into marriage, which then turned into hatred which continues to this day.

Raj: His only options here are to fake a heart attack or have a real one.

Raj: It wasn't a pajama party. It was just a couple of bros hanging out, giggling, eating cookie dough and watching Princess Bride.
Howard: Please stop talking.
Raj: As you wish.

Stuart: Is make-up really necessary?
Raj: When somebody looks at your dating profile, the first thing they see is your picture. I just want to make sure you look fun and full of life, not like a body they just pulled out the river.

Stuart: What did you put for your best feature?
Raj: My parents' money. What did you put for your best feature?
Stuart: I put "not applicable".

Raj: Attention all shoppers, my business is open for business!

Raj: If you want to solve the mystery of who stabbed Koothrappali in the back with a weapon of indifference, it was all of you!

Raj: I wish I had a friend like me.

Howard: This man (Raj), held my breast the other day and I love him for it.
Raj: A little loud, dude.

Raj: You think you're so cool because your wife is a person?