Raj: Hey, why didn't you invite him in the first place?
Sheldon: You don't know what it was like growing up with him.
Raj: I get it; I grew up with lots of brothers. My brother Adoot was especially mean.
Leonard: Really? I've never heard you mention Adoot.
Raj: Yeah, sure I have. He's the one who left the door open when we were kids, and my pet mongoose ran away. Stupid Adoot.

Raj: Hello, Daddy.
Dr. Koothrappali: What did you say to your mother?
Raj: Nothing. I was just calling to check in, make sure she's doing okay.
Dr. Koothrappali: Well, after talking to you, she seems to think I'm some sort of playboy.
Raj: Really? I don't know where she'd get an idea like that.

Raj: No wrapper's gonna tell me what to do, unless it's Jay-Z.

Howard: What's your part?
Penny: I play a customer in a diner and I flirt with Mark Harmon.
Raj: Ooh, Mark Harmon. He's a dreamboat.

Amy: Before I met Sheldon I was ready to give up too. Once, I even called in on my OBGYN just for some human contact.
Raj: It has been a while since I got my prostate checked.

Raj: Go ahead. You can't embarrass me. I have a beautiful girlfriend and a dog who loves me so much she drinks my bathwater.

Raj: Ooh, this is exciting. Like one of my classic murder mystery dinner parties.
Leonard: Right, the case of who murdered three Saturday nights of my life?
Howard: Colonel Koothrappali in the kitchen with the olive spread.
Raj: It was tapenade and you guys suck.

Howard: What could he be doing in there every day for twenty minutes?
Raj: Well, he's not doing twenty-minute abs, because if he were, he would have better abs.

Raj: He is kind of a weirdo. Maybe he's got Leonard Nimoy chained up in there. Or Bill Gates. Or Stephen Hawking.
Howard: Why would he chain up Stephen Hawking?
Raj: Howard, please, you can't treat the man differently just because he's disabled. That's not okay.

Howard: What kind of secret does Sheldon have to encrypt?
Raj: He's always been very cagey about what he puts in his egg salad to make it so tasty.
Howard: It's paprika.
Raj: Really? Well, okay, one mystery solved.

Raj: It all comes down to this.
(Raj shoots bottle in a trash can)
Howard: You happy? Now you can relax.
Raj: What kind of a scientist are you?! Everyone knows you've got to make two out of three!

Raj: Well, that wasn't as entertaining as when he rents bowling shoes, but it was right up there.

Howard: He likes your eyes.
Raj: You're making me sound like a caveman.
Howard: She says, "thank you, and you have nice eyes, too."
Raj: Really? Ask her how many children she wants, and whatever number she says, say me too.
Howard: No.

Howard: We were worried about you.
Raj: Oh, just because I've stopped going to work and answering my phone, you think something bad has happened. Maybe something good happened.
Bernadette: Did something good happen?
Raj: Of course not. Nothing good ever happens.

Leonard: Yeah, you can't stay in your apartment for the rest of your life.
Raj: Why not? With online shopping and overnight delivery, I can get anything I want. Look, I just ordered a case of Dinty Moore beef stew and two live lobsters on Amazon.