Raj: Okay, I don't have it all worked out yet, but I was thinking something like:
"Oh, Indy. Oh, Indy. The skies are so windy. Is that a flying man with a killer bod? Wait That's no man, it's a Norse god."

Raj: You know, this reminds me of high school.
Emily: You worked in a restaurant?
Raj: No, I was in India. It was humid and smelled funny.

Raj: I think we should take a picture to capture this moment.
Leonard: Yeah! (Fart noise)
Raj: Was that the best 99 cents I ever spent, or what!

Howard: You know, Amy took some time off from him. Really improved their relationship.
Raj: Huh. Okay. As long as it doesn't end with us having coitus with him, I'm in.

Leonard: Ready to play when you are.
Howard: Yeah, um, in a minute. I actually need to tell you guys something.
Raj: If it's "thank you" for the homemade jam you got in December, congratulations, you're the first one.

Raj: I mean, do I open it? Do I return it?
Amy: Why wouldn't you open it?
Raj: Well, she was pretty mad. For all I know it's a voodoo doll of me with a fork stuck in my junk.

Penny: Okay, so, she drops off a $500 gift and she's not trying to get back together with you?
Raj: Maybe you're right.
Bernadette: Or she's telling the truth and just being nice.
Raj: Maybe you're right. Wow, I am easy to manipulate.

Raj: So, uh so what's up?
Claire: Well, last time we talked, I had just gotten back together with my boyfriend, and I wanted to let you know that things didn't work out.
Raj: Really? I'm sorry, I swear I know other words.

Claire: So if you were still interested-
Raj: Yes! Indeed! Absolutely! Indubitably! I'm not even sure what the last one means, but it's another word, and I know it.

Raj: So, uh, when do you want to meet up?
Claire: Uh, I'm almost off work. What are you doing now? Right now, well- Well, actually, tto be completely honest, I'm stopping by to see my ex-girlfriend because she's having a tough time. But it's not like we're getting back together or anything.
Claire: Let me guess, the worst part about breaking up is that she doesn't have her best friend to talk to anymore?
Raj: That's exactly what she said! How do you know that?
Claire: I'm a girl. It's, like, page one out of the playbook.
Raj: Any chance you could send me a PDF of that playbook?

Howard: Ready for dinner?
Penny: Yeah.
Bernadette: Should we invite Raj?
Raj: (Inside the closet) Yes.

Howard: All right, here we go.
Bernadette: I'm not hearing anything.
Howard: Well, give me a second.
Raj: Are you sure you can do this?
Howard: Hey, who found four dollars and change on the beach with his metal detector?
Raj: I buried it there so we could go home.

Raj: But, dude, you're so lucky. Getting to stay home at night with the woman you love.
Howard: I guess I am lucky.
Raj: You are, because dating two women, I mean, I can't even remember the last time I slept in my own apartment. I wake up and I'm like, am I at Claire's or am I at Emily's? Is there a third girl I've forgotten about? Like, where am I?

Howard: If it's a girl, I mean, they're so innocent and you know how guys are.
Raj: Totally, guys are the worst. I mean, look at me. I let Emily make me a frittata and I kept the leftovers in Claires fridge that night. I'm such a dog.

Raj: Hey, did I say something to upset you?
Howard: No, I'm fine.
Raj: Really? Because usually we walk side by side, and I just went up two flights of stairs staring at your bottom.