Raj: Hey, look at this. Twenty people from the university have already signed up for our private beta.
Leonard: I'm telling you, the Lenwoloppali Differential Equation Scanner meets a real need. We've got a hit.
Raj: What do you think we should sell it for?
Howard: Well, based on the fact that our potential market is about seventy or eighty guys, and you want a submarine, I'd say about a million dollars a pop.
Raj: Well, what if we put out a lite version for half a million? You know, get the word of mouth going.

Amy: Sheldon, this place is so romantic.
Sheldon: Oh, I'm glad you like it. Raj picked it out.
Amy: Well, when you see him, tell him I say thank you.
Sheldon: Tell him yourself.
Raj: Yoo-hoo! Over here!

Raj: Oh, I'm having the nicest time. You guys are like family to me. You know that, right?
Leonard: That's great. Get out.
Raj: What? Why?
Leonard: Penny and I have some issues we need to talk about.
Raj: Oh, pish on your issues. You guys are fine.

Raj: Yes, you hit some bumps along the way. I mean, Penny, you've always known how this man has felt about you, but you made him grovel for affection.
Penny: Okay, hold on...
Raj: Now, dont blame yourself. He was a groveler from way back. But the point is, the two of you got past it. And, Leonard, you go and propose to this poor girl in the middle of sex? That was some weak tea, dude.
Leonard: Some people might say it was romantic.
Raj: Yeah, no. But yet, here you two are, still together. And that's even after you and I had our crazy naked night.

Raj: I'm just saying that after everything you've been through, you get to look into each other's eyes and say "I love you." And that's beautiful.
Leonard: Actually, to this day, she's never really said it.
Raj: Oh, Penny. That's ridiculous. You know you love him. You, you look him in the eyes and you say it.
Penny: Raj.
Raj: Oh come on, you know you want to say it. Say it. Say you love him. Say it!

Stuart: A little music?
Raj: Sure. Mmm, bossa nova. You listen to that with your hips as well as your ears.
Stuart: Mmm.
Raj: Oh. Something about Latin music just makes me feel like I'm on a white sand beach in Rio.
Stuart: Yeah. The sun, the waves, the beautiful bodies, tanned and glistening with sweat.
Raj: I should go.

Priya: Oh, would you please stop feeling sorry for yourself?
Raj: I have to feel sorry for myself. I'm the only one who cares. Just like I'm the only one who'll have sex with me.
Leonard: Really? In front of your sister?
Priya: We shared a room growing up. This is not news to me.

Raj: If they ever make a movie version of that book, you know who should play Leonard's mother? Sandra Bullock.
Howard: Why?
Raj: Because she's great in everything.

Raj: Oh, Lucy's free after all. See ya.
Leonard: Hey, hey, hey. You can't leave. We just started.
Raj: You're right, I should finish the game. I take my plus-one long sword, stab myself in the face with it. I'm dead. I've got a date with a girl. Bye.

Raj: Lucy?
Lucy: Hey, long time no see.
Raj: You don't know me very well, but each time you crawl out a bathroom window to escape my company, it chips away at my masculinity.

Howard: Boy, seems like forever since the four of us have been out to eat, you know? Just the guys.
Raj: Oh, God. Yes, we get it. You have a girlfriend now.
Howard: A little jealous, are we?
Raj: No, I'm not jealous. All right, I'd kill a hobo if it'll get me laid. Now, can we order?

Howard: Great. Come on in.
Raj: What, you don't say thank you?
Howard: It's my suitcase. I lent it to you two years ago.
Raj: Well, then, I should tell you I broke the wheel and the handle.

Leonard: Maybe when you walk into a hotel room and you see a guy getting back together with his girlfriend, you should consider doing something other than crawling into the adjoining bed.
Raj: I did. You said no Bridget Jones.

Raj: Okay, I'd pick swan because the resulting hybrid would have the advanced industrial civilization of a human and the long graceful neck I've always dreamed of having.
Sheldon: Wrong.

Raj: I think back to all the good times we had, like, uh, when we went camping and spent that night telling each other all our secrets. I told him I'm addicted to pedicures and he told me he lost his virginity to his cousin.
Howard: She was my second cousin.
Sheldon: And the first woman you ever disappointed sexually. Ba-da-bazinga!
Raj: Oh, oh, yeah, and then there was the time when Leonard and I took Howard to Las Vegas and paid a hooker to pretend she was Jewish and that she wanted his little kosher pickle. Of all the Howard humping hookers stories, that one's my favorite!