Raj Koothrappali Quotes Page 5 of 70

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Quote from the episode The Citation Negation

Howard: Oh, gosh, my Russian's a little rusty.
Raj: If it helps, this word may be "moose."

Quote from the episode The Citation Negation

Leonard: Why did you pull this Russian paper?
Raj: Oh, it was cited in this paper over here, so I thought we should check it out.
Leonard: Mm, it's not translated. Maybe we should talk to Howard; his Russian's pretty good.
Raj: We don't need Howard. I've got Google Translate. Okay, here we go, from Russian to English. "Examinations of moose chowder in lemon parachutes." Yeah, okay, now I know why this app is free.

Quote from the episode The Citation Negation

Raj: Okay, this citation is correct. How you doing?
Leonard: Pretty good. I'm just looking through "The Effect of High Energy Muons on Proton Pion Scattering at the National Accelerator-" (inhales) "-Laboratory."
Raj: Hey, should we take a break?
Leonard: No, this actually makes it more exciting. We have to get through all of this before I run out of this.
Raj: It's like the movie Speed, but instead of a bus, it's your lungs. And instead of Sandra Bullock, it has sadness.

Quote from the episode The Citation Negation

Leonard: This is a list of the papers we need to pull. Why don't we split up? You take half, I take half.
Raj: I don't know, it's pretty creepy down here. Maybe we should stay together.
Leonard: Come on, Raj, it's just a library.
Raj: You could say that about anything. It's just a cemetery. It's just a haunted house.
It's just a portal to hell.

Quote from the episode The Citation Negation

Raj: Hey, probably shouldn't say anything, but did you hear about Sheldon and the lunch lady?
Leonard: Yeah, uh, that's not true. That's just something Sheldon made up to test us.
Raj: I wish I'd known that before I called her a floozy in front of the whole lunch line.

Quote from the episode The Citation Negation

Bernadette: What you playing?
Howard: Fortnite. A bunch of people parachute onto an island and fight it out to be the last man standing.
Bernadette: Like Hunger Games?
Raj: More like Bachelor in Paradise, but not as cutthroat.

Quote from the episode The Consummation Deviation

Anu: Last night was wonderful.
Raj: But all we did was talk.
Anu: Yeah. And it was wonderful. Am I safe to assume you talking to me now is a good sign for our marriage?
Raj: Yeah, and for my liver.

Quote from the episode The Consummation Deviation

Anu: If it makes you feel any better, I've got things I'm embarrassed about, too.
Raj: Really? Will you tell me one?
Anu: Okay. Um, ugh. I hate telling people this. I don't like music.
Raj: What kind of music?
Anu: Just all of it. It sort of seems like a waste of time.
Raj: Even Beyonce?
Anu: See, this is why I don't tell people.
Raj: No. Um, it's fine. It's just, have you heard "Single Ladies"?
Anu: Yeah, and I don't get it. I mean, the lyrics are "Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh."
Raj: You have to sing it in the voice of a goddess. Like: Oh, wa-ah, oh Wa-ah, oh Oh, oh, oh Wa-ah, oh. (laughs)
Anu: My point is, we both have our little eccentricities.
Raj: Little eccentricities? One is a deep-seated psychological disturbance, and the other can be solved by half a glass of chardonnay.

Quote from the episode The Consummation Deviation

Raj: Oh, Anu, for most of my life, I got so nervous around women that I couldn't talk to them without alcohol.
Anu: So you've been drunk every time we've seen each other?
Raj: No. No. It hasn't happened in a long time. And I really thought I was over it, but I guess I don't know, I guess I wanted so much for tonight to go well, that I stressed myself out. It came back.
Anu: Why didn't you tell me about this before?
Raj: I was embarrassed.
Anu: I get that.

Quote from the episode The Consummation Deviation

Raj: Okay, you wanted the truth, here it is.
Anu: You have a drinking problem.
Raj: No. I, uh, I have a talking problem, and a drinking solution.

Quote from the episode The Consummation Deviation

Anu: Sorry, I had to use the facilities. With a bottle of champagne?
Raj: Mm, I like to celebrate the little things in life. You need to go? There's still some left.
Anu: Raj, what is going on?
Raj: No, no, it's not what's going on, it's what's comin' off.
Anu: Stop it. You're acting weird, and it's freaking me out.
Raj: Why? Because I couldn't talk and ran in the bathroom to slug back a bottle of champagne when I pretended to pee?

Quote from the episode The Consummation Deviation

Anu: Hi. [Raj gestures as he's unable to speak] Everything okay? Why are you acting so weird? Raj? [Raj walks into the bathroom with a bottle of champagne] What's going on?
Raj: [champagne cork pops] Be right out! You look beautiful!

Quote from the episode The Consummation Deviation

Raj: Oh, my God, oh, my God, she just texted. She's on her way up!
Penny: Raj, calm down. You got this.
Raj: Yes. Thank you, thank you. I got this.
Penny: Just remember, the most important thing is to have fun.
Raj: Stop putting so much pressure on me!

Quote from the episode The Consummation Deviation

Penny: Look, she's probably nervous, too.
Bernadette: Yeah, what if you're great and she's bad?
Raj: How can she be bad?
Penny: Raj, women can be bad at sex, too.
Raj: (laughs) No, that's silly.

Quote from the episode The Consummation Deviation

Penny: Yeah, Raj, you're gonna be fine. Just break out some of your Kama Sutra moves.
Raj: I don't really know any of that stuff. I just pretend I do to impress women. And by the way, Anu is Indian, she's gonna know there's no sexual position called a "screeching lotus."
Bernadette: Screeching lotus?
Raj: Sometimes I get leg cramps. It's my cover story.

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