Raj Koothrappali Quotes Page 50 of 70

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Quote from the episode The Stag Convergence

Raj: I think back to all the good times we had, like, uh, when we went camping and spent that night telling each other all our secrets. I told him I'm addicted to pedicures and he told me he lost his virginity to his cousin.
Howard: She was my second cousin.
Sheldon: And the first woman you ever disappointed sexually. Ba-da-bazinga!
Raj: Oh, oh, yeah, and then there was the time when Leonard and I took Howard to Las Vegas and paid a hooker to pretend she was Jewish and that she wanted his little kosher pickle. Of all the Howard humping hookers stories, that one's my favorite!

Quote from the episode The Stag Convergence

Raj: You know, we're not that far from my apartment. If you stop the car, I can walk from here.
Bernadette: You ain't goin' anywhere, Three-way.
Howard: Bernadette, listen...
Bernadette: You lied to me. You said you told me about all the girls you've been with, but you never mentioned your cousin, the prostitute or Raj!
Raj: Seriously, you don't even have to stop the car. Anything under ten miles an hour and I can combat-roll into the street.

Quote from the episode The Hofstadter Insufficiency

Raj: I think you'd be pleased to hear that this morning in the parking garage I saw this oil stain on the ground that was shaped just like my ex-girlfriend, Lucy, and I didn't get upset at all.
Howard: I'm proud of you.
Raj: Well, you should be, 'cause she was looking good.

Quote from the episode The Hofstadter Insufficiency

Raj: I'd like to apologize for being insensitive. And for possibly making penguins seem like jerks, because 99% of them are stand-up guys.

Quote from the episode The Hofstadter Insufficiency

Howard: Okay, fine. Let's say there was a moment.
Raj: There was.
Howard: There wasn't. But even if there was, what are you gonna do about it?
Raj: I will slowly seduce her until she falls helpless into my bed, hungry for the pleasure only I can give her.
Howard: So nothing.
Raj: No, not a thing.

Quote from the episode The Rothman Disintegration

Raj: Hey, look, there's Rothman's empty office. Sad.
Leonard: Yeah.
Sheldon: Mm, indeed.
Howard: So sad.
Sheldon: Dibs.

Quote from the episode The Bon Voyage Reaction

Raj: If you look carefully at Venus, you should be able to see the International Space Station pass by.
Lucy: Wow. Your friend was actually up there?
Raj: Yeah. He brought me back a T-shirt that said "My Friend Went to the Space Station and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt".
Lucy: Did he take the T-shirt to space?
Raj: Nope. It's exactly as lousy as advertised.

Quote from the episode The Bon Voyage Reaction

Amy: Ignore him. He's a little nervous 'cause he doesn't think I understand the severity of your social anxiety.
Raj: What the? Are you crazy? You can't talk about social anxiety to someone who has social anxiety. It makes them socially anxious!

Quote from the episode The Dependence Transcendence

Raj: Well, I think the first thing we should get rid of is that tone.

Quote from the episode The Escape Hatch Identification

Raj: I was literally just looking at my moving boxes, trying to pick one to live in.

Quote from the episode The Conjugal Conjecture

Colonel Williams: Hello. I'm looking for Howard Wolowitz.
Raj: Howard Wolowitz?
Colonel Williams: I have the right address, don't I?
Raj: Address?
Colonel Williams: Is he here?
Raj: Um, no.
Colonel Williams: Do you know where I can find him?
Raj: May I ask what this is about?
Colonel Williams: No, you may not.
Raj: Very well. (tips his hat)
Colonel Williams: Have him call me.
Raj: Okay.
(Colonel Williams starts to walk away)
Howard: (off-screen) Raj, who's at the door?
Raj: (To Colonel Williams) That's not him.

Quote from the episode The Conjugal Conjecture

Raj: There he is! There's my happy Hebraic homeboy. Yeah, that's the smile I'm gonna remember when you're living in the desert and I'm living with your wife.

Quote from the episode The Military Miniaturization

Raj: Wow. You're going off to work with the military, leaving me behind. Now I know how all those army wives feel.
Howard: Would you stop? We're just gonna be on the other side of campus.
Raj: And right here. (holding his hand on his chest)
Howard: You are a deeply silly man.
Raj: (To Leonard) He is so afraid of his feelings.

Quote from the episode The Dependence Transcendence

Raj: So where are we going?
Bernadette: I don't know.
Raj: Okay. How Thelma and Louise of us.

Quote from the episode The Dependence Transcendence

Bernadette: I keep waiting to feel excited, but it's not happening. What if it never happens?
Raj: Bernadette, come on, look, you're over thinking this, okay? You're gonna be an amazing mom. Even if you don't believe it, I know you have maternal instincts.
Bernadette: Once, I was supposed to babysit my brothers. Our neighbor found them naked in the backyard eating crickets.
Raj: Happy and well-fed. You see, that's what I'm taking from that story.

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