Raj: I plan on leveling up in the game, not my swimsuit size, thank you very much.

Howard: Maybe she'll dig it. Women like a firm hand on the tiller.
Raj: I can never find the tiller. I got a book, it didn't help.

Leonard: Raj, Imperial Troopers on your tail.
Raj: Got him. When Gandhi advocated his philosophy of non-violence, I bet he didn't know how much fun it was killing stuff.

Raj: I'm glad men are wearing hats again. They are so distinguished.

Raj: Hey, look, there's Rothman's empty office. Sad.
Leonard: Yeah.
Sheldon: Mm, indeed.
Howard: So sad.
Sheldon: Dibs.

Raj: Would you look at this? I paid twenty five dollars to some kid on eBay for a handcrafted Harry Potter wand. He sent me a stick. He went into his backyard, he picked up a stick.
Howard: It's numbered.
Raj: Ooh, limited edition. Nice.

Leonard: Where's Howard?
Raj: No hi, Raj? No how are you, Raj? Just straight to where's the other white guy?

Leonard: So, listen, I heard something about him. Can you keep it between us?
Raj: Ooh, gossip. When I first got here, I thought you Americans really gossiped around the water cooler. So I hung out there for, like, a month, but the only gossip I ever heard was about some creepy guy hanging out by the water cooler.

Leonard: Bernadette wants to get a pre-nup.
Raj: Oh, that's a shame, he's gonna be devastated.
Leonard: I never know what to do in these situations. Should I give him a heads-up?
Raj: Hmm. I'm gonna give you the same advice I yell at the TV when the Bachelor's handing out roses. Follow your heart.

Howard: You know what, it's not a big deal. She makes more money than me. She wants to protect her financial interests. It's completely reasonable.
Leonard; Good. That's a healthy attitude.
Howard: Yeah, actually, it's good for both of us. I have assets to protect, too.
Raj: Like what?
Howard: I've got some rare comic books. The Vespa's almost paid off. And Ma and I have a primo double cemetery plot at Mount Sinai right near the guy who played Mr. Roper on Three's Company.
Raj: Mr. Roper's dead? You can't just spring that on a guy.

Raj: They don't call me Brown Dynamite for nothin'.

Howard: You can't do "Buzz." Buzz is taken.
Raj: Buzz Lightyear is not real.
Howard: No, that's not what I'm talking about.
Raj: Well, are you talking about when he thought he was real?
Howard: No.

Sheldon: Well, if Amy's too busy, that gives the rest of you an opportunity to make my life easier, thus assuring yourselves a footnote in my memoirs, tentatively entitled "You're Welcome, Mankind". All right, then, just shout when you hear the task you want to undertake. Uh, dentist. Okay, we can circle back to that one. Um, well, who wants to take me Wednesday morning to get new heels put on my dress shoes? Anyone? Oh. That one had hoot written all over it. Um, all right, uh, dermatologist? Allergist? Podiatrist? Supercuts? Okay, okay, here's a fun one. Um, I need a new picture frame and I have a hankering for Swedish meatballs. Who wants to spend the day with me at IKEA?
Raj: Their meatballs are pretty good.
Sheldon: What's that?
Raj: Nothing, nothing.

Raj: I can't believe I bought my soul mate at Glendale Galleria.

Raj: Whoa! What's your hurry, cowboy? Savor the moment.
*Raj and Howard slowly remove the plastic off Raj's new iPhone 4S*
Howard: Oh, yeah.