Bernadette: Sounds expensive.
Howard: Okay, well, I may have gone a bit overboard, but you can't put a price on safety.
Raj: Though if you did, it's more zeroes than you're expecting.

Raj: I'm not really a part of this, so I'm just gonna dig in.

Issabella: You know, I have to say, based on the candy wrappers and the bags of junk food I see in this trash, I thought the person working here was ten years old.
Raj: Oh, please, show me a ten-year-old who knows to dip Tootsie Rolls in Nutella.

Issabella: Good night, Rajesh.
Raj: Okay, I'll leave. But just know, every time I come in here, I'll be thinking of you.

Raj: We're in the telescope room! It'll be like dining under the stars. You see this, uh, double zero? When it says "01" that means it's twinkling. ... Sometimes it takes a while.

Raj: I tried to cook you a meal from your homeland.
Issabella: Oh, really? You made Cuban food?
Raj: That depends. Do they have Mexican food in Cuba?

Raj: So, um, what surprised you the most when you first came to America?
Issabella: Well, I suppose how much people care about Oprah's favorite things.
Raj: I thought that, too. But then I got my first waffle maker and never questioned her again.

Raj: Issabella! Issabella, wait, wait, let me explain.
Issabella: If you are embarrassed by what I do, why did you pursue me?
Raj: I'm sorry. Honestly, I didn't think your job would bother me, but I guess it did. And I hate myself for that. But there's a lot of things about me that would totally embarrass you.
Issabella: I doubt that.
Raj: Well, prepare to be mortified. I let my dog eat food out of my mouth, not because she likes it but because I do. Also, I know they're pretty, but I'm scared of butterflies.

Howard: Okay, Raj, I'm gonna show you something. Now, one of us thinks it's offensive. The other thinks it's hilarious and a great idea. But, I'm not going to tell you who likes it.
(Howard demonstrates Remote Control Stephen Hawking)
Raj: This is tough. But I'm going to say it's the guy who shows me YouTube videos of people getting hit in the nuts.

Bernadette: Raj!
Raj: (into the camera) Well, okay, I'm gonna sign off now. This next part may contain some adult language.

Raj: (Outside, in a sing-song voice) Hello! Howard and Bernadette kicked me out because I told them they're having a girl! Oopsy, I did it again.
Penny: Maybe if we're quiet, he'll go away.
Raj: (sing-songy) You're gonna have to be quieter than that.

Penny: You know, Raj, honey, you're being too hard on yourself. When I first met you, you couldn't even talk to women. I mean, you couldn't even talk if one was in the room.
Raj: Oh, great, now I can say things like "I can't believe you're breaking up with me.", "Why are you breaking up with me?", "Yes, I'll still help you move".

Raj: You know, in India when my baby brother cried like that, the servants would just take him far away so we couldn't hear it. (Howard and Bernadette stare at him) Not always, sometimes we'd leave.

Howard: Watch. It's easy, once you get the hang of it. Step. Step. Hop onto ottoman.
Raj: Don't do that in socks, I almost broke my neck.

Bert: May I join you?
Raj: No, you can’t join us. Just go climb back up whatever beanstalk you came down from.