Raj: Uncle Howard, Cinnamon's here for her sleepover party.
Howard: You know if you had a stroke, she'd eat you, right?
Raj: And it would be my pleasure to be her num-num.

Raj: (fanning himself) Oh, this heat is brutal!
Sheldon: As someone from the tropical sub-continent of India, you should know that fanning yourself in a humid environment only raises your body temperature.
Raj: Huh. That does explain why the servants used to look so hot while they were fanning me.

Raj: It all comes down to this.
(Raj shoots bottle in a trash can)
Howard: You happy? Now you can relax.
Raj: What kind of a scientist are you?! Everyone knows you've got to make two out of three!

Raj: I did the research. Tony the Tiger, Dig'em the Frog, Cap'n Crunch, Toucan Sam, Count Chocula, Trix the Rabbit, Snap, Crackle and Pop. Not one cereal mascot is a girl. It's a total breakfast sausage fest.
Leonard: Are we done with this?
Raj: Almost. Franken Berry, Boo Berry, Sugar Bear and the Honey Nut Cheerio bee, I believe his name is Buzz.

Raj: Well, that wasn't as entertaining as when he rents bowling shoes, but it was right up there.

Sheldon: Good to see you again, Mr. Stephen Hawking Liked Our Paper.
Leonard: Oh, and you as well, Mr. Our Premise Is Intriguing.
Howard: How do you do, Mr. I'll Admit That's Pretty Cool.
Raj: Yeah, you keep setting me up for failure.

Howard: What are you doing?
Raj: I've created some other user accounts so I can post positive comments about their paper.
Howard: "This wee little bairn of a theory nearly blew my kilt off."
Raj: No, you have to read it like Dr. Angus McDougall of the University of Edinburgh would.
"This wee little bairn of a theory nearly blew my kilt off."

Howard: How are you today, Mr. Can You Believe These Jackasses?
Raj: Just dandy, Mr. I Wish I Was Better At Improv.

Howard: What kind of secret does Sheldon have to encrypt?
Raj: He's always been very cagey about what he puts in his egg salad to make it so tasty.
Howard: It's paprika.
Raj: Really? Well, okay, one mystery solved.

Howard: What could he be doing in there every day for twenty minutes?
Raj: Well, he's not doing twenty-minute abs, because if he were, he would have better abs.

Raj: He is kind of a weirdo. Maybe he's got Leonard Nimoy chained up in there. Or Bill Gates. Or Stephen Hawking.
Howard: Why would he chain up Stephen Hawking?
Raj: Howard, please, you can't treat the man differently just because he's disabled. That's not okay.

Raj: Ooh, this is exciting. Like one of my classic murder mystery dinner parties.
Leonard: Right, the case of who murdered three Saturday nights of my life?
Howard: Colonel Koothrappali in the kitchen with the olive spread.
Raj: It was tapenade and you guys suck.

Raj: Go ahead. You can't embarrass me. I have a beautiful girlfriend and a dog who loves me so much she drinks my bathwater.

Howard: Is there anything I should know before I go in?
Raj: Like what?
Howard: Like am I dressed okay?
Raj: Really? So every other place you've been, you thought this was fine?

Raj: Seriously, you were just gonna drive away? Like my life isn't hard enough right now? A space probe might be destroyed. My parents are going through an awful divorce. The guy who cuts my dog's hair just gave her bangs.
Howard: Raj!
Raj: You saw her. She looks like Jim Carrey from Dumb & Dumber!