Raj: Well, if you want to march in a fishnet crop top, you better lay off that dip.
Howard: If you didn't want me to eat it, why'd you put it out?
Raj: It was for the girls. They broke up with me. I don't care if they get fat.

Howard: Hey, is that any way to talk to your future husband?
Raj: Hey, I was being hypothetical, okay? I would never marry you.
Howard: Please. When you see the ring I pick out, you're gonna melt.
Raj: Yeah, right. Wait, is it rose gold? Actually, don't tell me. I want to be surprised.

Bernadette: Call if there's any problems.
Penny: No. She's busy. You call Howard.
Raj: Got it.
Bernadette: Call me. Don't call Howard.
Raj: I would never call Howard.

Raj: Nothing to worry about. She's just been crying for a little while, and I was wondering if you had any tricks to get her to sleep.
Stuart: She was sleeping just fine till you took a selfie with her!
Raj: She was blowing a spit bubble. It was adorable!

Raj: Oh, Daddy, you're so rich and funny.

Dr. Koothrappali: So what else is going on with your life?
Raj: Uh, well, I was dating a woman at the university, but we broke up.
Dr. Koothrappali: I'm sorry to hear that.
Raj: I know you are. That's why you just bought me a new iPad.

Penny: All right. Hang on. We can figure this out. Let's just go over your expenses. How much is your rent?
Raj: I don't want to say.
Bernadette: Is it really that high?
Raj: I don't want to say because I don't know how much it is.
Penny: You don't how much your rent is?
Raj: My father pays for it! Do you know how much your rent is?!
Penny: Yeah.
Raj: Well, then double it, because my building's a lot nicer than this dump.

Leonard: Do you know how much your car costs?
Raj: Not really.
Howard: Well, how much do you spend on food?
Raj: The housekeeper does the shopping.
Bernadette: Oh, my God, you really are spoiled.
Raj: I'm spoiled?! Your baby has a cape that costs $300!

Raj: We need to talk.
Dr. Koothrappali: All right.
Raj: I have come to an important decision. I will not be accepting your money any more. I'm a man, and I can take care of myself.
Dr. Koothrappali: That's wonderful!
Raj: Yes, that is wonderful! You will no longer be able to accuse me of being spoiled!
Dr. Koothrappali: I am so proud of you.
Raj: Dad, I'm trying to tell you off, and you're ruining it with your delight and relief.

Leonard: What is Pink Cheeks?
Raj: It's intimate waxing. Quit looking at that!

Penny: Hey, Raj, do you want to go with me tomorrow?
Raj: Are you asking because you want me there or out of pity? Actually, never mind, don't answer. I'd love to.

Sheldon: Why am I naked from the waist down?
Raj: I don't know where your pants are, but we did find your underwear in a pot on the stove.

Bert: Hey, guys.
Sheldon: Oh, hello.
Leonard: Hey. Want to join us?
Sheldon: But he's a geologist, and I have more physics jokes.
Raj: Oh, quick! Sit!

Howard: You know what? I'm with Leonard, this isn't cool.
Leonard: Thank you.
Raj: I disagree. Penny is a strong, independent woman. The more you try to control her, the more she'll push back.
Leonard: So you think it's okay?
Raj: Oh, no, she's gonna leave you for someone, might as well get it over with.

Raj: Bert has a room for rent.
Bernadette: So you're gonna be roommates with Bert?
Raj: Uh, no, it's, uh, pretty private, actually, it's over his garage. So the only time I'll see him is when he pulls his car in, does his laundry or practices drums in my dining room.