Raj Koothrappali Quotes Page 55 of 60

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Quote from the episode The Separation Triangulation

Raj: Sorry, I can't do this.
Nell: What's going on?
Raj: I met Oliver the other day.
Nell: Wait, you tracked down my husband?
Raj: No, that would be weird. He tracked me down, then we spent the evening together.

Quote from the episode The Closure Alternative

Howard: So take what's in that blog and use it to get her pants off.
Raj: Why do you have to make everything so filthy? Why couldn't you just say the blog is like her giving me the key to her heart?
Howard: The key to her heart. That's nice. Were you quoting someone or is it tattooed on the small of your back?
Raj: I was quoting a man who knows a thing or two about women, Sir Elton John.

Quote from the episode The Big Bran Hypothesis

Raj: Hello, sorry I'm late. But I was in the hallway, chatting up Penny.
Howard: Really? You? Rajesh Koothrapali, spoke to Penny?
Raj: Actually, I was less the chatter than the chattee.

Quote from the episode The Separation Triangulation

Nell: You're crazier than he is.
Raj: I'll tell you what, just give him one more chance and if it doesn't work out, I'll be happy to keep sleeping with you.
Nell: You would?
Raj: Either way, you've got yourself a fella. Like, how nice is that?

Quote from the episode The Stag Convergence

Raj: Okay, I'd pick swan because the resulting hybrid would have the advanced industrial civilization of a human and the long graceful neck I've always dreamed of having.
Sheldon: Wrong.

Quote from the episode The Shiny Trinket Maneuver

Raj: I'm telling you, dude, there's a seat on the Hogwarts Express with your name on it.

Quote from the episode The Large Hadron Collision

Howard: I'm sorry I couldn't hang with you last night. I had a date with Bernadette.
Raj: I know. I saw the tweet.
Howard: So, what did you end up doing?
Raj: Not much. Nuked a burrito. Prayed to the Hindu god Urvashi that your bowels would loosen and your penis would droop like a willow tree.

Quote from the episode The Separation Triangulation

Oliver: Hey, buddy. I talked to Nell. She was pretty upset after you left.
Raj: Yeah, I'm sorry.
Oliver: No. No, no, no. She told me that you said something so creepy that I seemed great in comparison.
Raj: I know exactly what it was. No, actually, there was a couple of things it could've been. Whichever one it was, it was creepy.

Quote from the episode The Separation Triangulation

Oliver: Anyway, uh, I went over to comfort her, and we talked, and I think we're gonna give it another chance.
Raj: I am so happy for you! Hey, uh, we should celebrate.
Oliver: House of Pies?
Raj: You know it.
Oliver: Should we invite Nell?
Raj: Do we have to?
Oliver: Nah.

Quote from the episode The Gyroscopic Collapse

Raj: Bert has a room for rent.
Bernadette: So you're gonna be roommates with Bert?
Raj: Uh, no, it's, uh, pretty private, actually, it's over his garage. So the only time I'll see him is when he pulls his car in, does his laundry or practices drums in my dining room.

Quote from the episode The Closure Alternative

Raj: Uh, Lucy's coming over. I need some advice.
Howard: However long you think the foreplay should be, triple it.
Raj: Just tell me which one you think is more manly. This hockey jersey or this football jersey.
Howard: I don't know. Go with hockey.
Raj: Good, black is more slimming. Oh, that's her. I got to go be butch. Toodles.

Quote from the episode The Skank Reflex Analysis

Raj: After we got undressed and jumped in bed, you, you asked if I had protection.
Penny: Oh, you did, didn't you?
Raj: Of course. I'm always packing. Anyway, um, I had trouble putting it on and you tried to help and, that was all she wrote.
Penny: So, we didn't actually
Raj: I did. It was beautiful.

Quote from the episode The Gates Excitation

Howard: So that's fun. You get to meet Bill Gates again.
Leonard: It's not fun, I'm screwed.
Raj: It's fun for us.
Howard: Maybe he won't remember you.
Leonard: I snotted on his tie.
Raj: Yeah, you did, like, a lot.

Quote from the episode The Expedition Approximation

Raj: (fanning himself) Oh, this heat is brutal!
Sheldon: As someone from the tropical sub-continent of India, you should know that fanning yourself in a humid environment only raises your body temperature.
Raj: Huh. That does explain why the servants used to look so hot while they were fanning me.

Quote from the episode The Skank Reflex Analysis

Leonard: Hang on, Sheldon. How could you not tell me your sister was moving back to India?
Howard: Maybe he was too busy writing clumsy penis metaphors about my fiancee.
Raj: Screw you. That was a beautifully written penis metaphor.

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