Raj: I've said this before and I'll say it again: Aquaman sucks!

Sheldon: Obviously, we're no longer a Justice League. We have no choice but to switch to our Muppet Baby costumes.
Raj: Ooh, I call Kermit.
Sheldon: I'm Kermit. You're Scooter.
Raj: Oh, man. Scooter sucks. He's the Aquaman of the Muppet Babies.

Leonard: You think Penny's right? Were we bullying Zack?
Howard: No, I know bullying. He left here unswirlied and his ass crack was underpants-free.
Raj: And nobody drew a penis on his forehead.
Leonard: That happened to you?
Raj: First day of cricket camp. They drew it so the testicles were my eyes.

Howard: First of all, if we had superpowers, I wouldn't be the sidekick. You'd be the sidekick.
Raj: Rat-Man is nobody's sidekick.

Howard: Let me ask you a question. What are you afraid of?
Raj: I don't know. Um, nuclear war. Accidentally being buried alive. Any of those movies where you get that phone call that says you're going to die, and then you do.
Howard: No. Something very specific that we both know you, Rajesh Koothrappali, are terrified of.
Raj: Well, type two diabetes runs in my family. The thought of losing a toe-
Howard: Spiders! You're afraid of spiders.

Leonard: Did you get to play with Rajesh's big Telescope last night?
*Rajesh and Wolowitz Freak out*
Wolowitz: Where did that come from?
Rajesh: He never touched my telescope.

Leonard: How'd it go last night?
Raj: Y'know, same old same old. Looked through a telescope, saw some stars. Big whoop.

Raj: I haven't cried this hard since Toy Story 3.

Raj: It doesn't matter. They'll find a way to give me a one-way ticket back to Ghandiville. And by the way, when I say that it's not offensive.

Raj: Please don't send me back to India, it's so crowded! Its like the whole country's one endless Comic-Con, except everybody is wearing the same costume; Indian guy!

Raj: I can't talk to the FBI.
Howard: Why? They're just going to ask background questions about me.
Raj: I'm brown and I talk funny.

Leonard: Don’t be ridiculous, Raj. You’re here legally.
Raj: Nobody cares. Do you know how long it's been since I got through airport security without being given a colonoscopy?

Raj: You slept with my sister?
Leonard: Yeah?
Howard: How could you? We had a pact.
Raj: Excuse me, I think "How could you, she's my sister" takes precedence over a 5-year-old pinkie swear.

Raj: I can't believe you kissed my sister with moth mouth.
Leonard: Well, I can't believe you'd use Sheldon's toothbrush.
Sheldon: You used my toothbrush?
Raj: Not the brush part. Just the little rubber thing to pick food from my teeth and massage my gums.

Howard: Hey, I've got a girlfriend now.
Raj: Oh please. My sister's much hotter than your girlfriend and you know it.
Howard: Let's just agree theyre both hot.
Raj: Dude, that's my sister you're talking about.